Dear Gullible Common People and Telegraph Readers
We the undersigned have worked with Archdruid Eileen for many years and have the highest respect for her. Not once has she hit any of us with a cricket bat or locked us in a shed. It is true she keeps her brother in a cage in the cellars below the Great House. But we have no reason to doubt this is for his own good, and not to keep control of the inheritance.
We would like to stress that Eileen has in no way threatened to come round and break our ankles with a cricket bat if we don't sign this letter. And Sir Robert Winston got this information from a black cab driver.
Yours etc
The Great Gunea Pig of Stewartby
Dave the King of the Pixies
Archdruid Alanis of the Corded Ware Folk of Bletchley
Archbishop Nev of the Independent Apostolic Church of Judith Chalmers
St Mario of the Donkey Kong Fellowship
The Dalai Alpaca
Rod the Changeling
Sir Robert Winston
Elvish Presley
The Chief Rabbit of Watership Down
The Grand Bunion of the Stilton Cheese Worshippers
The Lord of the Prance
The Archturnip of Blackaddersbury
Mother Theresa of Clapham
The Moderator of the Church of Moderate Liberalism
The Grand Barista of the Order of the Starbuck
Rt Hon Alicia Cholmondley-Cholmonley
Sir Humphrey Cholmondley-Cholmonley, Bart
Toady Young of Toad Hall
The Chief Sea Lion
Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"? The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.
A letter written under a threatening Arch Druid swinging a cricket bat in her hand. But for me, who thought that the Arch Druid had gone soft in recent times, perhaps being elderly and facing her maker, I am surprised to see that she is still displaying her discipline as she once did, regularly. Keeping the Beaker folk in line, providing an example that despite age and being a grand mother, she has on International Women's Day, exhibited all of the traits of a dominating presence. Soon, she will be Arch Druid "Emiritus" as she hands on the cricket bat to the new generation and will than be regarded as the "wise sage" who has a mean streak.
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