Obviously, as a working Archdruid, I do technically work from home a lot. And I guess, in a sense, so do many religious ministers. Albeit they have to go out to see other people, either because they're ill, in meetings, or dead. The other people, not the vicars.
So here's some ideas on working from home, the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley Way.
- You may have to take all those loo rolls out that you've been stockpiling in the study. And - worse news - you can't supplement the loo rolls by stealing more from work, like you normally do.
- You can use that time you used to spend commuting, by listening to an online prayer podcast or even using a proper prayer book and reading the Bible. But you'll probably just spend more time in bed.
- It is easy to become paranoid that the Technical Services department is spying on you to check you're working and not just playing a training video while doing half an hour on your exercise bike. Isn't it? Or are you being paranoid? Maybe they are checking up on you. Maybe someone is at this very minute laughing at a video of that time you fell off the office chair because you'd had an over-long "tea break". Maybe they're there. All the time. Keeping an eye on you. Stick a piece of Blue-Tac on the camera. Or is that really the camera? Maybe that's a dummy and there's a secret camera?
- Ensure you have regular breaks. Although being within walking distance of a decent country pub is not always as productive as a short walk to the water cooler in your office.
- Consider having a ventriloquist's dummy in your study to keep you company.
- Make sure you have bird feeders you can see from your desk. The stupidest conference call can be made so much better if you can see birds doing the simple things that make them happy. Also, if a bunch of pigeons gang up to steal a piece of bread off an unsuspecting bullfinch, you'll get happy memories of the office.
- If practising the kazoo, trumpet or mandolin during a phone conference meeting, ensure you are either on mute, or very good.
- If in need of a mute protest against the people you work for, blocking up the plughole and turning on the taps is a much worse idea when you're in your house.
- Having an air gun (see bird feeders) can pay dividends if a short-term health crisis turns into a genuine need for sourcing your own food.
- If you have your own computer on the desk next to your work computer, make sure you know which keyboard you are typing into at any given time. Certain searches you might make on the Google homepage are not so suitable in Hangouts.
- If you are video-conferencing, remember that you can only be naked from the waist down.
- Members of your family (or religious community) may keep blundering into your office, study, sanctum sanctorum, man-cage, or whatever to pester you with stupid questions. Make it quite clear that the only acceptable question is "would you like a cup of tea?" If intrusions continue, nail the carcasses of crows to the door. If this doesn't work, nail the carcasses of intruders there.
- Your darts will improve.
- Maybe you have previously travelled by public transport. To get the full working-at-home experience, stand in a small room while a family member coughs in your face for half an hour in the morning and evening. If you used to travel on Southern Trains, make that two hours.
- Alternatively, if you normally drive to work, why not simulate that experience by parking your car behind another one and just sitting there for an hour?
- Working in a small room all on your own can start to prey on your mind. But aren't you lucky? You've got me. That's right. You can actually hear my voice. I'm here in the room with you...
For some more humorous suggestions, see also...
Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"? The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.
I work from home without any of these issues. Apart from my spouse wanting a cup of tea at the drop of a hat (when she is having time off from her day job - self isolating because she is fed up with a particular person who always seems to have a snivel and gave her a good excuse for a couple of weeks off). The good thing about this type of situation is that I can escape to Church Daily to do mundane things like pastoral visiting, home communion and just being and doing some serious bible study.
ReplyDeleteOff course, I am praying for the day she returns to work, as we need the income, and she can do the shopping on her way home and even take the recycling that doesn't go into the council provided bins and put it in the skip at work for general waste. Saves me wheeling the bins our every other Thursday for a Friday collection (except on Bank Holidays when it is a day or two later).
And I escape the school traffic (in term) because you get trapped behind two or three school buses morning and evening, full of noisy, obnoxious young people. It is a delight that our grand children are all now adults so no need for helping out with baby sitting or such like, albeit when great grand children arrive, we might have to repeat the whole cycle.