Saturday, 26 September 2020

The Perils of Being Boris Johnson

Like a piece of endless, bad, performance art, Boris Johnson's private life is once again dragged out from the shadows to try to obscure the sheer badness of his government at everything. It's a bit like upsetting the dim right wing over migrants in Kent wasn't enough (as it turns out, if they don't have a permit they won't be able to get off Thanet anyway).

The latest is in the Daily Mail. I'll save you the trouble of giving them advertising revenue by satirising the article here.

So basically poor Boris Johnson has taken a pay cut to be PM. Instead of the £300K or so he used to get for writing lies for the Telegraph and Spectator, he now gets a mere £150K or so to do the same as the leader of Her Majesty's Government. Yeah, I know. Poor chap.

He's been taken to the cleaners by his second ex-wife. Which is fair enough as she has had roughly 66% of his known children. 

He has to pay for his own meals, and those of friends of his when they come round to dine. I know. Yeah. Unlike the rest of the country, whose meals are provided on the State.

He only has two houses that he owns himself. He can't sell one of them, as it's where Carrie Symonds lives when she needs to get away. 

Heart bleeds. To make it worse, if he wants to go out to the Rose Garden, he has to go through an office. Whereas if most occupants of central London want to go to a rose garden, they only have to walk to Regent's Park. And also, in Regent's Park there's less chance of finding a short-sighted man sitting behind a church hall table making bizarre claims about why he went to the North-East. 

No wonder, in these circumstances, Johnson and Carrie Symonds have had a quiet christening for Baby Wilf rather than a big, illegal wedding for the two of them with a christening attached as is so popular these days. And no wonder poor Carrie has been reduced to staying at a £600 per night hotel in Italy while her partner carries out his master plan to achieve herd immunity in British students.

It honestly couldn't get any sadder. That this man should reduce himself to this for our sakes. Unable to afford the £75 per head to invite his mates for dinner at his Buckinghamshire grace and favour mansion. Literally walking through an office to get to his garden. It's like the end of Mayor of Casterbridge without the dead caged bird at the end. Like a kind of Citizen Kane, Johnson sits in his poky flat in Downing Street, muttering "Bullingdon" as he remembers happier times.

Or maybe, as I say, it's a distraction. Brexit's a disaster and death rates from Covid are rising again. Of course Johnson wants us to concentrate on the soap opera of his life. Of course he does.

Just as reminder. If Johnson's that bloody poor, he can resign as PM. Brexit's a disaster, and death rates from Covid are rising again.

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  1. Have you set up a Go Fund Me site for Boris yet? He obviously has not been able to afford a haircut for months poor man and cannot afford to buy a comb yet either.

  2. @kate, I am afraid we felt best to remove your comment as being likely to bring offence to some people that you weren't looking to offend.

  3. Boris remains the buffoon, but now with a lot of power. He can rest on his laurels knowing that retired PM's pensions keep them in the style they are accustomed to. Ask Tony Blair, who is a multi-millionaire how to do it. And of course a sound bite he can harm his successors any time by being a bit controversial.


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