Saturday 19 June 2021

Andrew Lloyd-Webber: An Appeal to Open the Theatres

 I know how not to spread it

I know how not to spread it
In the papers I read it
Show some balls. Pack fans in stalls
let them have a few in the Circle 
bar - you know in a few days
you'll spread it far.

I don't know why we panic
Why the papers are manic 
It's a cold, it's just a cold.
And I've had so many colds before
In very many ways
it's just a cold.

We will all wear masks.
Double cleaning tasks.
Use the LFTs
To beat the disease.
I never thought we'd come to this.
Plagues not spread by fleas?

I like to think I'm clever
I'm Andrew Lloyd-Webber 
It's a show, it's just a show.
And I've had so many shows before
In London and Broadway
it's just a show.

How has this state arisen
where I could go to prison
There are tests, I can attest
- theatres are so clean, you've never seen
a West End singer cough
please don't switch us off

I Know Covid Well (The Boris Johnson Song)

Covid seems to  hang on quite eternally
Ev'ry time we beat it, it goes wrong.
But this has never yet prevented me
Opening up too far, before too long.
Looking back I could have played it differently
Not ate out to help out -
Who can tell?
But ev'ry time I think I've got it right
Now at least I know
I'm not so bright.

Wasn't Dom good? oh
So good! Wasn't Dom fine? oh
So fine!
Isn't it madness
He's out of line?
But in the end he knows a bit too much about me
He's more brainy
He needs his geeks and freaks and weirdos. I know him so well

No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your track
And though I ditched my pride to back him up
Now he's gone and stabbed me in the back.

Looking back I could have played it differently
Told him Barnack Castle wasn't right
But that was when I so much needed him.
Now he says Matt Hancock's not too bright.

Wasn't it good? oh
So good! Wasn't Dom fine? oh
So fine!
When we did Brexit
In that short time
How could I know  how it would go if I let Delta in?
How can I ever begin?

Wasn't it good? I could do more.
Isn't it madness
The Sausage War
But in the end I had to please the ERG.
Border security...
I need to stop all immigration (where's Priti Patel...?)
It takes time to stop infections. I know Covid well.


  1. Strange that Mr LW had turned the opportunity to open his latest performance alongside the trial for theatre opening. He wants all or nothing, and is likely to get nothing as the result of his bombastic complaints against the government restrictions.


Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl