Sunday 28 November 2021

Litany of the Futility of Leaf-blowers

Woe am I for my lawn is covered in leaves

Behold the leaves of the ash are scattered freely across the greensward.

An offence that causes my heart to sink in distress

and a sight to cause my spirit to weep.

Tell it not in Wimbledon, whose manicured lawns are of old

or in Anfield, where St Virgil strides its field with a grace like unto the gazelle.

And so I said in my heart, I will get a leaf-blower

and then there will be no more leaves on my lawn

for they will be scatted unto the four winds

and go where nobody can find them.

But behold as soon as my lawn is clear of leaves

the four winds bring them all back.

And as soon as I bag them up

some more fall off the trees.

And so I sink down in a pile of sycamore keys 

and weep like those that go down to the pit.

Where now are the clear lawns of July?

For what did I put on fertiliser to make it grow

and then use the mower to cut it short again?

Vanity, vanity.

Even the edges that I edged so edgefully

are now blurred in damp leaves.

And my leafblower, of which I was so proud

in whom my hopes were fixed

has failed me

and mocks me in its futility.

To whom should I look for help?

Surely I will cut down all my trees

and put down Astroturf for a lawn.

And my garden shall be tidy, maintenance-free and easy to keep

But maybe just a little bit sterile.

After an idea by Claire Maxim 

1 comment :

  1. We are fortunate enough to live beside a well tree clad park with lots of hedges. We have one solitary tree in our garden, but also a line of hedges. Leaf clearing is a major task each autumn as we get a huge amount from the park, which blow in, day and night. We have a garden waste bin, which we fill twice over each autumn. Now our Church grounds are full of tree's over 60, you can imagine the amount of work from volunteers keeping them clear. So your lawn is a small thing in the great autumn leaf fall.


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