Archdruid: You'll have had your tea?
All: Aye
HYMN: "Abide with Me" to the tune of "Stop" by the Spice Girls
Archdruid: On this sad occasion, I was glad that we could at least have two stars of "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" with us to help me conduct the service. But unfortunately Sven wandered off to enjoy our fine collection of kneelers. And when Samantha eventually caught him by the hassocks, he decided to go for a bit of lie down.
But I do have a letter from a Mrs Trellis, of North Wales. She says, "Dear Boris. Just give up. It's over."
And it's at times like this that we remember the power that music has to bring you to tears. So here's Colin Sell, on the piano.
A PARAPHRASE FROM THE BOOK OF ECCLESIASTES
and a time to laugh
and a time to laugh
and a time to laugh
and a time to laugh
and a time to laugh
and a time to laugh
and a time to stop.
EULOGY
Lionel Blair: Hello. If you're seeing this on a recording, then it means I've died before you have. You swine. I'll be waiting for you.
HYMN: "The Old Rugged Cross", accompanied by kazoo and swanee whistle.
Archdruid: And so as the starling of time flies into the tennis racquet of destiny, and the vole of liminality drops into the void of eternity, I see that the service is over.
Barry Cryer: Mornington Crescent.
COMPLETE LIST OF ATTENDEES:
Mr and Mrs Best-Barry and their son, Aldo
Mr and Mrs Fanera, and their son, Endo
Mr and Mrs Cheeky, and their post-modern daughter, l.o. cheeky
Mr and Mrs Kdalarf and their son, Eli
Mr and Mrs Bennet-Arethereanyofthemleft and their son.....
Fantastic! I could even hear Humph’s voice as I read it.
ReplyDeleteSpot on, Archdruid. Thank you.
ReplyDelete