A junior minister nobody has ever heard of, Conor Burns, defends the Prime Minister by claiming he was ambushed with a cake.
Oh woe is me for I am undone
I am become as one who has been accosted by Colin the Caterpillar
Or even Clyde.
And now I am a trifle disturbed.
I am become as a jelly.
Why so downhearted, my spirit?
Why so downcast, my soul cake?
For it is butter cake.
I mean, but a cake.
I am as a sponge that is wrung out
And yet I will rise like a meringue
and return to the land of the Linzer Torte
and become like one of the angel cakes.
Where is now your Victoria Sponge,
O Death by Chocolate?
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