Thursday 25 August 2022

Lament for the Church Printer Going Wrong

Woe is me for the Church Printer is going wrong
On the night when I have to produce the service sheet
 
And though the duplexer functions not,
yet I figured I could manually duplex 50 copies
 
Except I put them back in the wrong side up
and printed pages 2 and 3 over pages 1 and 4
 
And when I started again
I put them back in the wrong way round 
 
so now you have to turn the service sheets upside down
to read them when you should just turn the page.
 
And now onto the third set of prints
The pages are covered with grey streaks

The liturgy cannot be read
and the blackness of the ink 
 
means that it looks more like unto a funeral
than a pet service.

My heart fails within me
for it could need a new black toner cartridge

But the printer app says it's at 40 per cent and if it's something else I've lost a cartridge
Or, at least, 40 per cent of one.

And now the printer's not talking to the PC
or the PC's not talking to the printer

So I reboot the PC
but it's not worked.

So I reboot the printer
but that's not worked.

And now I reboot both
and that's not worked.

So I reboot them in the other sequence 
and they're talking to each other.

So I print the document
But after twenty minutes when nothing happens
 
I realise I've sent it to the other printer
In the Moot House.

Which is why Burton Dassett is now screaming that the Moot House is haunted
so at least some good came out of it.

I print it again.
No - that's gone to PDF.

Reboot the printer.
Reboot the PC.

Reboot in the opposite order.
Reboot both.

Behold for I have a perfect pamphlet 
printed the right way round 

On the special paper we bought for the service
On which I printed  all those wasted service sheets

So now I only have four sheets left
and forty-nine to print.

And the data projector's bulb has gone
And last year's pet service orders have the wrong date on them

So I shall go down to the Moot House
and paint the order of service on the walls.

It may not be the best solution
but it's all I can face.

Give me a minute
while I drop the printer out of the window.
Oops it landed on Burton
So that's two good things.

6 comments :

  1. Fear not, most pets can't read anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Our Church Printer/Photo Copier has been dead since February, waiting for a part from the USA (allegedly) the beauty of this is that the supplier with a contract to service and maintain it is now obliged to do all of our printing for us. Fortunately they are just down the road from the Church, so a short walk to them. However the went on holiday, closing the shop for two weeks. The parish administrator is now even more grey than she already was. They are now back and they have 150 documents to print for us. Serves them right.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I remember this so well - I used to edit the church magazine, and the printer ws terrifying, but he lovely lady in her late 80s who printed the magazine understood. Until it was replaced. Then NOBODY understood it. Not even the old lady, or the teenagers who were always willing to help with tech stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was a curate in 1977, I was given the task of creating a leaflet for the parish's Queen's Silver Jubilee events. I laid out the cover in stunning Letraset detail. I then put it in the thermal printer - and it melted. Clergy today…..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, for the days of novice scribes, candles, goose-feather pens, and parchment, along with a great deal more holy silence....!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think I’ve spent more time on my knees in front of the printer than in my knees in church!

    ReplyDelete

Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl