Things Found in Church Vestries

 Odd things, church vestries.

In theory, the place where the clergy change into their liturgical garb. Say a quiet prayer (or 187, if of the Anglo-Catholic variety).

In practice. The place where all the rubbish that the church can't quite bring itself to get rid of, ends up. Such as:

1. A "duplicate book" with countersigned records of all the collections between 2001 and 2004.
2. A crucifix with the arms broken off.
3. 234 copies of the Alternative Service Book, in case it is ever re-legalised.
4.  Photographs of all the former incumbents with their wives. And one former incumbent with his mother.
5. A photo of a former Bishop of Ebbsfleet, hidden in a cupboard. 
6. Key safes containing the keys to other key safes. Which contain the keys to other key safes.
   
7. The laws on the protection of bats. In case the incident with the machine gun is ever considered again.
8. Clerical robes that will never be worn again, that have been half-eaten by moths, but nobody has the heart.... 
9. Advent candles from the last two decades, all burnt to various degrees.
10.  A list of former rectors that ends in 1983 for no apparent reason.
    
11. Laminated notes on how to sanitise your whole body after private prayer, from March 2021.
12. Mouse traps, with no clues as to whether there are still any mice.
    
13. Instructions on communion during Covid from February 2020.
    
14. Instructions of the prayers to say as one vests for High Mass.
15. A list of the PCC members in 1994. Consisting of the same people as the PCC in 2022.
    
16. A Dave Walker cartoon about all the funny things you find in church vestries.
17. A box of masks.
18. Pegs and pigeon holes labelled with the names of the members of the former quire. Many of whom are now dead. Just in case they reform.
    
19. A glasses case, from an opticians that closed sometime in the last century.
    
20. Some buttons.
    
21. Numerous half-used bottles of hand sanitiser.