Sunday, 9 February 2025
Saint Paul Pops Home
Sunday, 2 February 2025
Candlemas
Friday, 31 January 2025
Celebrations for 5 Years of Brexit
I've been absolutely overwhelmed by demands from a Mrs Trellis of North Crawley, asking me what we are going to do to mark today's auspicious anniversary. And though I generally regard it as the single most damaging self-inflicted wound by a country since the island of Zanzibar declared war on the British Empire, I am by nature a democrat. And the people have spoken.
So the schedule for celebrating five years of Brexit this afternoon will go as follows:
1 pm - Playing of "Land of Hope and Glory"
1.01 pm - Reading out of all Brexit Benefits
1.02 pm - Going to the pub
Wednesday, 29 January 2025
Unifauns on the Lawn
Please could all Beaker Folk be careful around the main lawn. There's a small herd of unifauns grazing there.
We're really pleased to have the wild unifauns here. As such an endangered species - they've never quite found quite the right countryside to inhabit - there have been many failed attempts to breed them in captivity. But here on the edge of the greensand ridge, they get that combination of well-drained heath and boggy lowland that they crave.
Please if you meet a unifaun, walk straight past it. They don't like eye contact, and they will run away quite recklessly, crashing into hedges, walls, and sheep, if you panic them
Please keep squonks on leads.
Saturday, 11 January 2025
Death of Thomas Hardy (1928)
Yokel 1: I see that Thomas Hardy have gone 'n died.
Yokel 2: 97 years ago, aye.
Yokel 1: Spose in 3 years, the Thomas Hardy Society will have a big memorial?
Yokel 2: Spose they will, aye.
Yokel 1: Shall us get down to Peter's Finger in Mixen Lane? I hear their latest brew is a pretty drop o' tipple.
Yokel 2: Aye, after I've made these souvenirs.
Yokel 1: Souvenirs, Abel?
Yokel 2: Thomas Hardy 100 years medals, pots, shawls, tea lights, drip maps, dinosaurs, replica tombstones, model cats, little tiny Wessex the Dog to the Households, women being hanged...
Yokel 1: Thou dost reckon th'art goin' to cash in, Abel?
Yokel 2: That I do, Cain. That I do.
Yokel 1: See ye leanin' over the rail later?
Yokel 2: I' faith. I'll bring a straw.
Thursday, 9 January 2025
The Nightmare After Christmas III
Wednesday, 8 January 2025
The Nightmare After Christmas II
My post-festive break continues.
I've taken to checking my emails just in case an emergency comes up. I don't know why it should. Nothing ever has.
I thought I'd walk round in case anyone needed spiritual guidance. But everyone taps the side of their noses to show they know the rules, and talks to me about football. Which, given Liverpool's position in the league, isn't so bad. But nobody wants to share any crises with me.
I'm starting to realise why vicars in the Church of England never really retire - just keep coming back in increasingly lower-paid roles.
Maybe I could reorganise the Beaker Common Prayer books in the Moot House.
That's not really work, is it?
Tuesday, 7 January 2025
The Nightmare After Christmas
Second day genuinely off after all the Yule and Christmas activities.
Day one was fine. Just laying around drinking gin and watching the Last of the Summer Wine CDs that Keith bought me for Christmas.
Day two is rather different.
First up, I've already watched as far as the Seymour years. And I don't need to listen to any more comedy Northern accents.
And I like to deliver things. Occasions, ceremonies, studies, meditations.
Just not delivering is very challenging. I tried reading a book but they're so... booky.
Maybe I could just do a rota?
Monday, 6 January 2025
Burning the Greens
Apologies for the lack of posting over the Festive Period - such a lot of activity, what with celebrating all the ancient Pagan festivals and the Christian ones.
But we emerge from the tinsel, turkey, and trauma to the wonders of Epiphany and Orthodox Christmas Eve, when we start all over again for another 12 days. It's a short life but a merry one, being a Beaker Person.
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There go the baubles |
Last night, Dragmir was inspired to recreate the ancient tradition of "Burning the Greens". Thomas Hardy wrote about it in his deeply sad poem, "Burning the Holly":
" But we still burn the holly
On Twelfth Night; burn the holly
As people do: the holly,
Ivy, and mistletoe."
And you may think burning the dried-up evergreen decs isn't such an environmentally-friendly thing to do.
But I can tell you, it was even worse when Dragmir set fire to all the tinsel, plastic trees, and fairy lights. Things were still exploding in the skip well into the early hours.
Some old traditions can be brought up to date.
Maybe not this one.