I appear to have caused a bit of an upset.
My own fault. Although we let Drayton Parslow and his Funambulist Baptists use the St Bogwulf Chapel as their worship centre, I do insist that it is kept as my 8-greats grandad had it. A quiet little chapel in the grounds of a minor stately home, with a tortoise stove as approved by John Betjeman, box pews, and a triple-decker pulpit. This was before my family moved across to the Very Primitive Methodists, and started worshipping in a tin hut in a layby. And I let Drayton off the tightropes, without which his little flock would struggle to justify their name.
Anyway, I asked whether Dariush Runnymeade, who's one of Drayton's flock, was able to move his car. It was on our drive and I don't like Baptist cars cluttering up our manicured gravel. And Mrs Runnymeade told me he couldn't, as he was on the beer.
Well I lost it. I told her I wasn't having scruffy Baptists getting in the way of my Lexus - it looks so much cheaper when there's a Seat Mii parked next to it. And the cheek of it, parking his car up on my drive so he could get plastered and then get get a lift in to collect it - so a day's free parking.
And Funambulist Baptists above all aren't supposed to drink - it's too dangerous, what with them being up on those tightropes. So I asked Mrs Runnymeade what did she suppose was going on? Dariush was bringing the sect into disrepute.
Drayton's been round. Turns out Dariush was "on the bier". In Bogwulf Chapel.
My thoughts are with Mrs Runnymeade at this difficult time. And I will be revoking the parking fine.
