Discovered: The "Q" Nativity

Theologians and archæologists alike have been stunned by a discovery which has turned the world of Biblical criticism upside down. And then also turned it inside out. Then spun it round a bit before turning it the right way round again, but flipped round by 90 degrees and at a bit of an angle.

For centuries, source critics have hypothesized a document, "Q". Which isn't about some bloke inventing a fountain pen that fires poison darts, but is in fact a source document that the gospels of Saint Luke and Saint Matthew share, independently of Mark's Gospel. It stands for the German for "made up stuff because I get a grant". 

But everyone thought that, if discovered, "Q" would just contain Jesus's teaching.

In fact, in the rocky rocks of the desert near Alexandria, a lucky tourist spotted a goat digging up a parchment scroll, written in Aramaic, and hidden for centuries. It contains, as well as many of Jesus' sayings, a complete account of the nativity.

Professor Sol E Fidian, of the University of Detroit, said, "It's a world-changing discovery. In its description of the birth narrative of Jesus in full, including the Magi, shepherds, angels, donkey and so on, it suggests that - until now - the closest published account to the original has been in primary school nativity plays. Although we are unsure of the depiction in Q of a character called "the Little Drummer Boy". Is he a syncretistic borrowing of Pan into the story? Or a real person, subsequently ignored by the evangelists but remembered by St Bing of Crosby and St David of Bowie?"

Of course, some doubts remain. For instance, the verses that say, "and she laid him in a manger, in a stable, because there was a rotten innkeeper who wouldn't let them stay there even though he had a spare room. Whatever Ian Paul says." 

Although the scroll has caused great controversy, the feature which is being considered proof of its provenance is a scribbled note in koine Greek, in the margin.  It says, "Luke - you focus on the shepherds. I'll stick to the 8 Wise Men. Matt."