Four horses grazing on the lawn.
One white, one red, one pale green and one black.
I'm not complaining or anything, you realise.
Maybe just a little nervous?
Showing posts with label The End of the World as we Know it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The End of the World as we Know it. Show all posts
Friday, 24 February 2012
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Definitely the End of the World this time
I've not mentioned the Last Things for absolutely weeks. Well, the End of the World's all a bit last month, don't you think?
And I'm totally unconvinced by the Mayan Calendar 2012 theory. Although conveniently it would save us paying off the debts caused by the Olympics and then having to riot like the Greeks. As I've said before, I wouldn't trust the Mayans. Confronted with a bunch of Spaniards.carrying crucifixes and guns, the Mayans wondered whether they might be friendly. Whereas any genuinely prophetic race would have run, screaming, for their lives.
But no. This is my theory. And no-one can accuse me of bandwagonning this time.
2033.
Precisely two millennia after Pentecost. 2,000 years the church will have had to make a bit of a hash, frankly, of the Great Commission. 2,000 years of schism, squabbles and poor judgment. Of selling out to earthly rulers and ego-trips and persecution. 2,000 years - as you will be able to read into the Book of Revelation - and then God will decide he'd better do it for us. Again.
Please note that precise datings of Our Lord's earthly ministry are not available. This prophecy could be +/- 5 years. Or completely wrong. No refunds.
Friday, 3 June 2011
Putting off the End of the World
Just the most perfunctory of "Pouring out of Beakers" this morning, as we have made a shocking discovery. I say "shocking". My experience of this kind of thing is that once you've heard it, you're shocked into action for a while, then it becomes "Business as Usual" and you forget about it and think things are going to stay as they are forever. And then you remember again.
Between one and three billion years from now, all the seas and oceans are going to boil away, as the Sun expands its size. Which may make you give it a bit more respect, next time you're laying on the beach.
The doom-merchants and "Neigh-sayers" (people who've said "Nay" so many times they've gone a bit horse) say this is it, we're all going to die.
But we say - this just assumes humanity will be powerless to do anything. Which, if they all turn out to be descended from Rod Stewart, may be true. It's no good pouting and singing "Do ya think I'm sexy" when the Atlantic is boiling away into space. But we reckon there's still time.
So knowing that the time is short, we're putting off today's liturgy to dedicate ourselves to collecting all the plastic bags we can find. We reckon when the time comes, we'll be able to build a giant plastic balloon to hold all the water vapour in. There is the slight problem that this might make the earth even hotter, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's the least we can do for Mother Gaia.
So knowing that the time is short, we're putting off today's liturgy to dedicate ourselves to collecting all the plastic bags we can find. We reckon when the time comes, we'll be able to build a giant plastic balloon to hold all the water vapour in. There is the slight problem that this might make the earth even hotter, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's the least we can do for Mother Gaia.
Monday, 30 May 2011
The Pacific Age
I am grateful to that prolific and entertaining member of the Twitterati, Londiensis, for altering me to the news that Germany is planning to close all its nuclear power plants over the next decade. Apparently due to the Fukushima incident in Japan. This is a country that obtained nearly a quarter of its power from nuclear (and doesn't suffer from earthquakes). What strikes me is that if Plan A was at some stage nuclear power, Germany's not got many rational Plans B. It seems that Germany has a few options now. It can move towards greater energy efficiency at a stunning rate. It can once again start exploiting its coal fields. Or it can become dependent upon Russian gas. Or the people of Germany can sit in their cold houses on cold winter nights, having burnt down the last of the Schwarzwald to keep warm, and listen for the wolves of winter to close in. *** And, thanks to Peter Kirk, I should add that the current Plan B is actually to build loads of wind turbines. I apologise for a lack of research here, but think my point still stands - not least since the change in policy has brought the closure of the reactors forward by an average of 12 years.
We seem to be in a cleft stick. One where we want to continue with the consumption of our past - but we don't want to pay for it, either financially or environmentally. Yet we pay for pointless and inefficient wind turbines, which fail when the wind doesn't blow. And cover houses with expensive solar panels, which don't work when the sun doesn't shine. We can't burn coal because we don't want the carbon emissions, and we're scared of nuclear. In short, we've lost our nerve and our vision for the future. And we've no idea of a way out.
In the States, the problems seem worse and the solutions more gormless. The Government's response to a lack of growth is to pump more borrowed imaginary money into the economy. And yet, deep down - if the threat to the world is the consumption of resources - how can growth be the measure be which we drive our economies? Surely growth - the production of things from other things, using energy, which must be produced from fossil fuels or nuclear power, carried around by powered transport - surely growth is the enemy of the environment? Why are the visionaries of the West not putting forward their policies for the only rational strategy - a managed reduction in the size of our economies? How can growth, measured in the gross way it is, be good? And how could an economy like, say, Ireland's, based on debt and property prices, ever have been thought a success - even before the rug was pulled from under it?
Meanwhile there's China. A country with confidence. A country with faith in the future. A country that opens a coal-fired power station every few days. A place making itself rich producing the cheap rubbish with which we make ourselves comfortable in our fin-de-siecle, life-fearing, future-fearing decline. As the sun sets in the West, it's rising with a vengeance in parts of the East.
Those prophets of a quarter of a century ago, Humphreys and McCluskey, when they weren't annoying Ray Barnes with their dancing didn't just pretend to see what the future would hold:
The Pacific Age is growing strong
Its arms embrace with a killing grace
It shakes your hand as it takes your place.
Once our politicians were dreamers, visionaries, powerful people - people that could set up an NHS, fight a World War when the nation's back was against the wall, even - dare I say it - take on the Unions. Now they smile their shiny-faced smiles while they watch their country's decline. Ed, Dave, Nick - they're interchangeable, they're optional, they're not much good. Just tweaking the crenellations on the sand-castle as the Pacific tide comes in. We've lost our vision, we've lost our way. We've no prophets - just the amusing, made-for-TV ones like Howard Campings. We've no real poets - just the re-hashers of old songs for Reality TV talent-show winners. We're not going crossing any deserts, because we've no Promised Land. So we'll drive miles to the bottle bank to recycle bottles, while we plan our next cheap plane flight for our next cheap holiday. Then we'll suddenly notice how expensive food's getting, and petrol, and wonder why. We'll play with our technology. We'll buy our smart phones. And we'll sit and get washed away with the rest of the West and no-one will miss us. And our children, assuming they can still afford food, will have to learn to make cheap clothes for the Pacific consumers of the future.
Sorry, bouncy happy thoughts will resume tomorrow. You know what it's like, a wet Bank Holiday.
We seem to be in a cleft stick. One where we want to continue with the consumption of our past - but we don't want to pay for it, either financially or environmentally. Yet we pay for pointless and inefficient wind turbines, which fail when the wind doesn't blow. And cover houses with expensive solar panels, which don't work when the sun doesn't shine. We can't burn coal because we don't want the carbon emissions, and we're scared of nuclear. In short, we've lost our nerve and our vision for the future. And we've no idea of a way out.
In the States, the problems seem worse and the solutions more gormless. The Government's response to a lack of growth is to pump more borrowed imaginary money into the economy. And yet, deep down - if the threat to the world is the consumption of resources - how can growth be the measure be which we drive our economies? Surely growth - the production of things from other things, using energy, which must be produced from fossil fuels or nuclear power, carried around by powered transport - surely growth is the enemy of the environment? Why are the visionaries of the West not putting forward their policies for the only rational strategy - a managed reduction in the size of our economies? How can growth, measured in the gross way it is, be good? And how could an economy like, say, Ireland's, based on debt and property prices, ever have been thought a success - even before the rug was pulled from under it?
Meanwhile there's China. A country with confidence. A country with faith in the future. A country that opens a coal-fired power station every few days. A place making itself rich producing the cheap rubbish with which we make ourselves comfortable in our fin-de-siecle, life-fearing, future-fearing decline. As the sun sets in the West, it's rising with a vengeance in parts of the East.
Those prophets of a quarter of a century ago, Humphreys and McCluskey, when they weren't annoying Ray Barnes with their dancing didn't just pretend to see what the future would hold:
The Pacific Age is growing strong
Its arms embrace with a killing grace
It shakes your hand as it takes your place.
Once our politicians were dreamers, visionaries, powerful people - people that could set up an NHS, fight a World War when the nation's back was against the wall, even - dare I say it - take on the Unions. Now they smile their shiny-faced smiles while they watch their country's decline. Ed, Dave, Nick - they're interchangeable, they're optional, they're not much good. Just tweaking the crenellations on the sand-castle as the Pacific tide comes in. We've lost our vision, we've lost our way. We've no prophets - just the amusing, made-for-TV ones like Howard Campings. We've no real poets - just the re-hashers of old songs for Reality TV talent-show winners. We're not going crossing any deserts, because we've no Promised Land. So we'll drive miles to the bottle bank to recycle bottles, while we plan our next cheap plane flight for our next cheap holiday. Then we'll suddenly notice how expensive food's getting, and petrol, and wonder why. We'll play with our technology. We'll buy our smart phones. And we'll sit and get washed away with the rest of the West and no-one will miss us. And our children, assuming they can still afford food, will have to learn to make cheap clothes for the Pacific consumers of the future.
Sorry, bouncy happy thoughts will resume tomorrow. You know what it's like, a wet Bank Holiday.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Some more failed Doomsday Scenarios
Just to prove that scientists (and scientific journalists) can end up with egg on their faces when they put their minds to it...
There was the unfortunate - ahem - miscalculation with the date when the Himalayan glaciers would be 20% their current size.
There was the "cyanogen" scare with the 1910 visit of Halley's comet. Incidentally, the Rational wiki page I'm quoting puts the "Young Earth" theories of comets in their "Comet woo" section (correctly) but not the cyanogen scare. Presumably because everyone dying in 1910 was based on good solid science.
There was the Newsweek article that complained governments weren't doing enough about Global Cooling.
There was the Y2K or Millennium Bug (although all proper programmers knew there was no problem - the Millennium changed over a long New Year weekend, so there was plenty of time to put in the long shift needed to sort it).
There was the fear that splitting the atom would destroy the world because the atoms wouldn't start splitting - and for this I quote from that seminal scientific work, "Right Ho, Jeeves" (Wodehouse, PG, 1934):
I was reading in the paper the other day about those birds who are trying to split the atom, the nub being that they haven't the foggiest as to what will happen if they do. It may be all right. On the other hand, it may not be all right. And pretty silly a chap would feel, no doubt, if, having split the atom, he suddenly found the house going up in smoke and himself torn limb from limb.
And I'm wondering whether the scientific community's way of dealing with these things is essentially very similar to the Protestant wing of the Church when it has a disagreement. Inasmuch as neither grouping has one central body - but rather has centres of excellence, people that are respected, and bodies with more-or-less authority scattered around the world. The reaction to a scientific theory is to examine it, check it, make sure the maths work, try to reproduce the experiments if any, and - if it's the wilder end of the spectrum, say a perpetual motion machine - mock it. (I love Wiki's optimistic belief that it is undisputed that such a machine would break the 1st and/or 2nd Laws of Thermodynamics. I bet you could find somebody, somewhere, calling himself a scientist that would dispute it). But that's how we move knowledge forward and find truth.
Which makes me realise that the problem with Harold Camping's theory wasn't the wishful thinking, the bad maths, the even worse original premise (so now the Rapture and Tribulation, those central parts of his theology, are optional?) - it wasn't the conning of gullible, innocent believers into sponsoring this utter eyewash. It wasn't the appalling power- and ego-trip involved (and the double think he has displayed since).
No. The only trouble with Mr Camping was, he hadn't been peer-reviewed.
Which makes me realise that the problem with Harold Camping's theory wasn't the wishful thinking, the bad maths, the even worse original premise (so now the Rapture and Tribulation, those central parts of his theology, are optional?) - it wasn't the conning of gullible, innocent believers into sponsoring this utter eyewash. It wasn't the appalling power- and ego-trip involved (and the double think he has displayed since).
No. The only trouble with Mr Camping was, he hadn't been peer-reviewed.
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Left behind
Such a shock. In some respects, I do not even know why am I committing this to an electronic medium - unless there is someone out there who wishes, with me, to piece together why it is that we have been Left Behind. Unless, perhaps, there is still hope and we can repent? For surely our repentance should not have been based on one particular Day, but every day? Maybe I have had it wrong.
I was walking round to see Eileen and warn her that the Rapture, if it happened, would be taking place at 7pm (which is 6pm GMT - God works to solar time, and will not take advice on time from the European Union). But clearly it was my spiritual clock that was wrong. Because the Beaker People have all gone - taken, to judge by the food that remains on their plates and the cider still fizzing in its glasses, during their evening tea-time repast. The place is empty, save for the sound of the lost souls still locked in the dark Doily Shed. I freed them from their captivity so they can enjoy whatever we now face on this doomed earth.
Enough. I will sit down on the front steps of the Great House and repent in dust and ashes. And then I had better get the sermon written for tomorrow after all - if I have a congregation left to preach it to.
I was walking round to see Eileen and warn her that the Rapture, if it happened, would be taking place at 7pm (which is 6pm GMT - God works to solar time, and will not take advice on time from the European Union). But clearly it was my spiritual clock that was wrong. Because the Beaker People have all gone - taken, to judge by the food that remains on their plates and the cider still fizzing in its glasses, during their evening tea-time repast. The place is empty, save for the sound of the lost souls still locked in the dark Doily Shed. I freed them from their captivity so they can enjoy whatever we now face on this doomed earth.
Enough. I will sit down on the front steps of the Great House and repent in dust and ashes. And then I had better get the sermon written for tomorrow after all - if I have a congregation left to preach it to.
Fête Accompli
Husborne Crawley Fête is so English you expect John Nettles to turn up an any moment, or Bertie Wooster to come round the side of Crawley Park and ask if there's anyone for tennis. Maypole dancing, Pimms and coconut shy. The day things like an English country Fête don't happen any more, and the day the last English pub sells the last pint of real ale - that's when we will let the Americans have their Apocalypse. And not before.
Friday, 20 May 2011
Riding the Bow Wave of the Rapture
I've pondered some words Church Mouse tweeted earlier regarding whether it's right that people of faith should mock the people of the eBible Fellowship for their belief that the world will end tomorrow.
And looking back I've realised that one or two of the events of the past weeks in our Community might have given the impression that we were mocking that fellowship. Although, in mitigation, I would say that we've been mocking the fundamentalist / evangelical / rapture-believing movement for ages. (But not a significant number of ages. Just a random amount of ages that nobody need read any significance into.) And the Rapture is a literalist interpretation nobody needs. Not least because Paul says "we" as if he's going to be raptured at the same time with all the other living people. And he's not. Cos he's dead. And we mock everybody else, including ourselves. So at least this blog has been consistent.
But there's a reason for this. And it comes down to my deep and abiding belief, which has been nurtured by an obsession with the End Times, my own fanatical faith in a single original resurrection and a future (but, in my scheme, way-way-future) general resurrection. And my other deep belief in the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. And it can be summed up in this concept:
The Revelation isn't to give comfort to the people on top. It's to frighten them.
When you live in the richest country in the world, and your existence is predicated on borrowing such eye-watering amounts of money that you could never pay it all back, and therefore your way of life is dependent upon a legal fiction that your money is somehow worth something - even though it clearly isn't - the Revelation isn't to give you comfort and hope for the future. It's to scare you.
When your cheap clothes, cheap games, cheap food and cheap petrol are dependent upon the oppression, suppression and exploitation of others - and the destruction of the world's resources - the Revelation's not there to give you the cheap thrill that, after a boring run of your favourite TV show, God will provide a bit of a finale with an appearance in the skies above Tupelo, Mississippi at 6pm Central Time. It's there to scare you.
For a 1st century Christian in a hostile world, whose friend had been executed for "heresy" and whose only hope was the story passed on by that very friend that his friend, Jesus, was raised from the dead - and when that Christian was wondering how the Empire that crushed all opposition would ever be opposed - the Revelation was for her.
When you're clinging on to faith against a repressive ruling order that hates your faith and diminishes your status and silences you with hate and violence and unjust laws - the Revelation was written so you can hope.
When you can actually see the Beast and know him for who he is, see the life-destroying force that can be wielded by the Powers of this world - you'll know what the Revelation is all about.
When you can see the way the powerful oppress the poor, and call theft "trade" and unbalanced peace "just" - you'll know what Revelation is about.
And if your faith and hope resound to the heart-beat that goes "How long, Lord - how long?", because nothing else will help - and to act yourself is suicide, but you know the Spirit you can do all things - you'll know what Revelation is about.
The time of all oppressors is short. And empires fall. And the years of a man are - give or take - three score and ten (though the years of a woman are a few more). And the Mugabes and the Pinochets and the Mubaraks all eventually know that their day has come. And even the Western, capitalist, exploitative world will come to an end. And the Ancient of Days laughs at them all, enthroned as he is in Zion. And the caveat is always there - no-one knows the hour or the day. But the word echoes through the universe. And the word is "Soon".
And looking back I've realised that one or two of the events of the past weeks in our Community might have given the impression that we were mocking that fellowship. Although, in mitigation, I would say that we've been mocking the fundamentalist / evangelical / rapture-believing movement for ages. (But not a significant number of ages. Just a random amount of ages that nobody need read any significance into.) And the Rapture is a literalist interpretation nobody needs. Not least because Paul says "we" as if he's going to be raptured at the same time with all the other living people. And he's not. Cos he's dead. And we mock everybody else, including ourselves. So at least this blog has been consistent.
But there's a reason for this. And it comes down to my deep and abiding belief, which has been nurtured by an obsession with the End Times, my own fanatical faith in a single original resurrection and a future (but, in my scheme, way-way-future) general resurrection. And my other deep belief in the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. And it can be summed up in this concept:
The Revelation isn't to give comfort to the people on top. It's to frighten them.
When you live in the richest country in the world, and your existence is predicated on borrowing such eye-watering amounts of money that you could never pay it all back, and therefore your way of life is dependent upon a legal fiction that your money is somehow worth something - even though it clearly isn't - the Revelation isn't to give you comfort and hope for the future. It's to scare you.
When your cheap clothes, cheap games, cheap food and cheap petrol are dependent upon the oppression, suppression and exploitation of others - and the destruction of the world's resources - the Revelation's not there to give you the cheap thrill that, after a boring run of your favourite TV show, God will provide a bit of a finale with an appearance in the skies above Tupelo, Mississippi at 6pm Central Time. It's there to scare you.
For a 1st century Christian in a hostile world, whose friend had been executed for "heresy" and whose only hope was the story passed on by that very friend that his friend, Jesus, was raised from the dead - and when that Christian was wondering how the Empire that crushed all opposition would ever be opposed - the Revelation was for her.
When you're clinging on to faith against a repressive ruling order that hates your faith and diminishes your status and silences you with hate and violence and unjust laws - the Revelation was written so you can hope.
When you can actually see the Beast and know him for who he is, see the life-destroying force that can be wielded by the Powers of this world - you'll know what the Revelation is all about.
When you can see the way the powerful oppress the poor, and call theft "trade" and unbalanced peace "just" - you'll know what Revelation is about.
And if your faith and hope resound to the heart-beat that goes "How long, Lord - how long?", because nothing else will help - and to act yourself is suicide, but you know the Spirit you can do all things - you'll know what Revelation is about.
The time of all oppressors is short. And empires fall. And the years of a man are - give or take - three score and ten (though the years of a woman are a few more). And the Mugabes and the Pinochets and the Mubaraks all eventually know that their day has come. And even the Western, capitalist, exploitative world will come to an end. And the Ancient of Days laughs at them all, enthroned as he is in Zion. And the caveat is always there - no-one knows the hour or the day. But the word echoes through the universe. And the word is "Soon".
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Harrold Camping
We're looking forward to this weekend's special outing. We're going camping in Harrold.
Some say we're asking for trouble. Some say the weather forecast is for plagues of frogs, volcanic eruptions and bowls of plagues. But I say phooey. They've never been camping in Harrold, which is a calm little place. The worst we can expect is a bit of flooding if there's too much rain - that's an awful big flood plain between Harrold and Carlton.
Others say there's no camp site in Harrold. And I say that may be true. But there's an awful big flood plain between Harrold and Carlton. What could possibly go wrong?
Some say we're asking for trouble. Some say the weather forecast is for plagues of frogs, volcanic eruptions and bowls of plagues. But I say phooey. They've never been camping in Harrold, which is a calm little place. The worst we can expect is a bit of flooding if there's too much rain - that's an awful big flood plain between Harrold and Carlton.
Others say there's no camp site in Harrold. And I say that may be true. But there's an awful big flood plain between Harrold and Carlton. What could possibly go wrong?
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Good news and bad news on the Rapture
More from the EBible Fellowship.
The good news is they're still running with the whole "world ends on 21 May" concept. They are unable to accept any more orders for the Bibles, as due to the End of the World they won't arrive in time. Seems a slightly unfair policy - after all, those of us left after 21 May are still going to need stuff to read.
But good news! You can still make a dedication! So they'll be able to buy more Bibles that they won't be sending out. Or, if nothing else, they'll have made a tidy profit come the rapture.
Ironically, they're still asking us to make a request only once every 30 days. No longer relevant, guys!
The good news is they're still running with the whole "world ends on 21 May" concept. They are unable to accept any more orders for the Bibles, as due to the End of the World they won't arrive in time. Seems a slightly unfair policy - after all, those of us left after 21 May are still going to need stuff to read.
But good news! You can still make a dedication! So they'll be able to buy more Bibles that they won't be sending out. Or, if nothing else, they'll have made a tidy profit come the rapture.
Ironically, they're still asking us to make a request only once every 30 days. No longer relevant, guys!
I really hope I'm right on this bunch. I'm going to be in so much trouble if I'm wrong.
Friday, 13 May 2011
8 Miles High
I have been reading Hnaef's choice of music with deep foreboding. Partly because many of his favourite groups have in common an interest in practices that are forbidden by the book of Leviticus. But also because I have my doubts about the calculations that caused an obscure American group to choose 21 May for the date of Rapture. This kind of Biblical numerology is deeply suspect - did Our Lord himself not say that nobody knows the day or the time? Besides, after our last attempt to calculate the Rapture, Burton Dasset came up with March 2017.
However. In that sarcastic way of hers, Eileen has dropped me off an MP3 player with a playlist of songs to accompany the Rapture. Consisting of:
Up where we belong
My beautiful balloon
Rapture
Can't let Maggie Go
Walking in the Air
99 Red Baboons [I really have no idea where she found this version]
Don't leave me this way.
Her sarcasm knows no bounds at the moment. She has also put up a "For Sale" sign on the Manse with the instructions that it's available for a quick sale from 22 May onwards. She says that the Beaker People will still be around come that date, and is it OK with me if she has the chapel back.
However. In that sarcastic way of hers, Eileen has dropped me off an MP3 player with a playlist of songs to accompany the Rapture. Consisting of:
Up where we belong
My beautiful balloon
Rapture
Can't let Maggie Go
Walking in the Air
99 Red Baboons [I really have no idea where she found this version]
Don't leave me this way.
Her sarcasm knows no bounds at the moment. She has also put up a "For Sale" sign on the Manse with the instructions that it's available for a quick sale from 22 May onwards. She says that the Beaker People will still be around come that date, and is it OK with me if she has the chapel back.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
And a side helping of doom
In my remarks about the Roman earthquake scare, I forgot completely to mention another voice of reason.
The apparently sane view of Franceso Verselli, for example, who doesn't think there's anything to worry about. Until you figure that his reasoning is that if the Pope's around, there's no danger. I've nothing against Pope Benedict, who seems a holy, thoughtful and decent man with a hard job to do. And obviously I hope there's no earthquake at all, and none in Rome, and none near Pope Benedict. But there's evidence that just trusting in there being holy things around doesn't save you. If you don't want to pay attention to the Bible on the matter, try this list of earthquakes. Especially 801, when the roof of St Paul's fell in. Although, to be fair to Francesco, it's not recorded that the then-Pope was in there at the time. So maybe there's something in it.
Oddly enough, when the Black Death raged in his base at Avignon and throughout Europe, Pope Clement VI summoned his wise men to explain what caused it. And the assorted astronomers told him that it was due to an alignment of three planets. 560 years later, it seems to have been on a similar basis that Raffaele Bendandi predicted the 1923 earthquake. And now people in Rome are panicking on the same basis. Plus ca Change, as they say in Rome....
The apparently sane view of Franceso Verselli, for example, who doesn't think there's anything to worry about. Until you figure that his reasoning is that if the Pope's around, there's no danger. I've nothing against Pope Benedict, who seems a holy, thoughtful and decent man with a hard job to do. And obviously I hope there's no earthquake at all, and none in Rome, and none near Pope Benedict. But there's evidence that just trusting in there being holy things around doesn't save you. If you don't want to pay attention to the Bible on the matter, try this list of earthquakes. Especially 801, when the roof of St Paul's fell in. Although, to be fair to Francesco, it's not recorded that the then-Pope was in there at the time. So maybe there's something in it.
Oddly enough, when the Black Death raged in his base at Avignon and throughout Europe, Pope Clement VI summoned his wise men to explain what caused it. And the assorted astronomers told him that it was due to an alignment of three planets. 560 years later, it seems to have been on a similar basis that Raffaele Bendandi predicted the 1923 earthquake. And now people in Rome are panicking on the same basis. Plus ca Change, as they say in Rome....
Doom and rumours of Doom
Is it just me or is there a lot of Doom about?
First the Californian earthquake prediction, then I notice the May 21 Rapture prediction. Now the people of Rome are staying off work, and staying out of the city.
The mass Italian skive has been sparked by rumours that a man who died in 1979 predicted a quake that would destroy Rome today. That there is no evidence that he ever predicted this, and that his theory was total eyewash, don't seem to have stopped anybody taking the day off to be in the safe side. That this guy actually did successfully predict one earthquake once, doesn't; look like a long run of success to me.
Still, the latest Internet scare does at least give an insight into the modern view on life and scares: Tania Cotorobai, planning to spend Wednesday in the countryside, said "I don't know if I really believe it but if you look at the internet you see everything and the opposite of everything, and it ends up making you nervous."
So Tania - bad news. Having waved some seaweed round my head, and stuck a pin in a copy of Martin Amis's "London Fields", I've discovered that the Italian countryside is going to be hoovered up by a giant alien robotic housekeeper. If you see the opposite of this anywhere else on the Internet - be nervous. I should say that I used this method to predict that two days after Good Friday it would be Easter Sunday, and I have a 100% success rate.
While Fabio Mengarelli told Reuters he'd informed his boss he had a doctor's appointment. He added "If I have to die, I want to die with my wife and kids, and masses of people will do the same as me.
Fabio, they might. But you're the one who's informed an international press agency that you're bunking off work on an invented doctor's appointment. Good luck with the job hunting!
Which really tells us the way we shouldn't think. If the Government tells you a tsunami is coming, head for high ground. If unsubstantiated rumours on the Internet tell you of disasters, and you act on them just in case, you're behaving like an idiot. If you announce your plan to skive off to the worldwide media, doubly so.
[Late update - there has in fact been an earthquake, in Spain. It's 5.3 on the Richter scale and 10 people have died. It's a tragedy for those involved, of course. But it is only four years since a much bigger one hit Portugal - and 2 years since a bigger one hit Italy. Neither was forecast by Internet rumour based on a dead scientist]
First the Californian earthquake prediction, then I notice the May 21 Rapture prediction. Now the people of Rome are staying off work, and staying out of the city.
The mass Italian skive has been sparked by rumours that a man who died in 1979 predicted a quake that would destroy Rome today. That there is no evidence that he ever predicted this, and that his theory was total eyewash, don't seem to have stopped anybody taking the day off to be in the safe side. That this guy actually did successfully predict one earthquake once, doesn't; look like a long run of success to me.
Still, the latest Internet scare does at least give an insight into the modern view on life and scares: Tania Cotorobai, planning to spend Wednesday in the countryside, said "I don't know if I really believe it but if you look at the internet you see everything and the opposite of everything, and it ends up making you nervous."
So Tania - bad news. Having waved some seaweed round my head, and stuck a pin in a copy of Martin Amis's "London Fields", I've discovered that the Italian countryside is going to be hoovered up by a giant alien robotic housekeeper. If you see the opposite of this anywhere else on the Internet - be nervous. I should say that I used this method to predict that two days after Good Friday it would be Easter Sunday, and I have a 100% success rate.
While Fabio Mengarelli told Reuters he'd informed his boss he had a doctor's appointment. He added "If I have to die, I want to die with my wife and kids, and masses of people will do the same as me.
Fabio, they might. But you're the one who's informed an international press agency that you're bunking off work on an invented doctor's appointment. Good luck with the job hunting!
Which really tells us the way we shouldn't think. If the Government tells you a tsunami is coming, head for high ground. If unsubstantiated rumours on the Internet tell you of disasters, and you act on them just in case, you're behaving like an idiot. If you announce your plan to skive off to the worldwide media, doubly so.
[Late update - there has in fact been an earthquake, in Spain. It's 5.3 on the Richter scale and 10 people have died. It's a tragedy for those involved, of course. But it is only four years since a much bigger one hit Portugal - and 2 years since a bigger one hit Italy. Neither was forecast by Internet rumour based on a dead scientist]
Monday, 9 May 2011
The end of the World continued
It's a slight irony. I thought I'd have a quick look round the EBible Fellowship's website. Remembering that these are the guys that think the Rapture will happen on the 21st with the End of the World as we Know it in October. And what did I find?
They have a page for ordering tracts. And, obviously, I thought I'd better check the lead times. After all, no point in ordering a tract if it's going to be all over before it arrives. Let's face it, come the Rapture I might just be sitting on a cloud watching. And then I'd just be wasting everyone's time. And what message do I read?
"As mailing any substantial quantity of these tracts is expensive... "
Why do they care? Surely with only 3 weeks till the Rapture, the last thing they're going to care about is the expense. Sell your houses, eBible Fellowship people - it's all going to help. Didn't you know there's only three weeks till the Rapture?
"We ask you only make a request for free tracts once every 2 weeks"
But it's 9 May. And the Rapture is going to happen on 21 May. Frankly if I limit myself to a request for free tracts, I'm only going to order... erm... once. And what chance have I got of getting all the Beaker People converted before the rapture then? Especially with lead times and all. I'll have about 20 minutes, and then no more leaflets. I'll wish we'd all been ready.
Still, I'm interest to see they haven't even bothered taking leaflets or posters to France. At least they know their chances in each target market.
They also advertise "hundreds of hours" of listening on the site. Bad news. I'm running out of those hundreds of hours - there's only about 300 left - and I wouldn't want to go without sleep before the Rapture. As Douglas Adams might say, I'd be all grumpy and wouldn't appreciate it.
To be fair to them, though, they are completely consistent. I note that the Schedule for their Caravan of the Apocalypse finishes on 20 May. No sneaky planning what to do the day after. Although they end up in Pennsylvania - that renowned Quaker state. Don't know what hearing they'll get. And I wonder if they'll let Drayton have it after that? He could do with a cheap holiday. Still, according to their calendar they got their car serviced earlier in the month. Good idea, that. Prolongs... ermm.. vehicle life.
So I'm left thoroughly ambivalent here. Is this a serious, but deluded (and badly innumerate) group? Or are they a fake religious fellowship, merely the fevered product of a cynical and satirical Episcopalian priest's mind? I have my doubts.
They have a page for ordering tracts. And, obviously, I thought I'd better check the lead times. After all, no point in ordering a tract if it's going to be all over before it arrives. Let's face it, come the Rapture I might just be sitting on a cloud watching. And then I'd just be wasting everyone's time. And what message do I read?
"As mailing any substantial quantity of these tracts is expensive... "
Why do they care? Surely with only 3 weeks till the Rapture, the last thing they're going to care about is the expense. Sell your houses, eBible Fellowship people - it's all going to help. Didn't you know there's only three weeks till the Rapture?
"We ask you only make a request for free tracts once every 2 weeks"
But it's 9 May. And the Rapture is going to happen on 21 May. Frankly if I limit myself to a request for free tracts, I'm only going to order... erm... once. And what chance have I got of getting all the Beaker People converted before the rapture then? Especially with lead times and all. I'll have about 20 minutes, and then no more leaflets. I'll wish we'd all been ready.
Still, I'm interest to see they haven't even bothered taking leaflets or posters to France. At least they know their chances in each target market.
They also advertise "hundreds of hours" of listening on the site. Bad news. I'm running out of those hundreds of hours - there's only about 300 left - and I wouldn't want to go without sleep before the Rapture. As Douglas Adams might say, I'd be all grumpy and wouldn't appreciate it.
To be fair to them, though, they are completely consistent. I note that the Schedule for their Caravan of the Apocalypse finishes on 20 May. No sneaky planning what to do the day after. Although they end up in Pennsylvania - that renowned Quaker state. Don't know what hearing they'll get. And I wonder if they'll let Drayton have it after that? He could do with a cheap holiday. Still, according to their calendar they got their car serviced earlier in the month. Good idea, that. Prolongs... ermm.. vehicle life.
So I'm left thoroughly ambivalent here. Is this a serious, but deluded (and badly innumerate) group? Or are they a fake religious fellowship, merely the fevered product of a cynical and satirical Episcopalian priest's mind? I have my doubts.
Not with a bang but a Flimsy Excuse
The world is going to end. Not a doubt of it. Yet another prophecy I can guarantee for you. However, my accuracy's a bit screwy. Maybe +/- a billion years if that will do for you.
That's when the sun starts to die, of course. As it converts into a red giant (a bit like middle-aged spread, but ironically it will be getting lighter) it will absorb first Mercury and Venus, then probably stretch out roughly to our orbit. We're basically done for. 5 billion years and that's it. Then the earth will be done. 5 billion years and it's all over. So you'd better get your affairs in order.
Unless of course you believe in the eBible fellowship, who've decided that it's going to be May 21 this year. Ignoring the thousands of fruitcakes who've made these forecasts in the past. Ignoring the fact that even by the barmy standards of using the Bible to date future events, this is bonkers (though Burton may have a go later. But he's already pointing out to me that the dates in the prophecy don't line up with Archbishop Ussher - so they can't be right).
Here's my personal prophecy. I claim, for reasons referred to below, no divine inspiration. This is all out of my brain.
God will be declared, come 22 May, to have relented. Someone's prayers will have been so effective that God will change his mind. This will be the only possible explanation for the otherwise unaccountable fact that the sun will rise on 22 May just the same as normal. Unless it's because we have been given another second chance. Or the dates have unfortunately been miscalculated - some problem carrying a three during a long multiplication, or a king of Israel overlapping with a king of Judah, or some such. But there will have to be some kind of explanation. Because let's what God has to say about prophets who are wrong:
"But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in my name that I have not commanded him to speak, or who speaks in the name of other gods, that same prophet shall die.' And if you say in your heart, 'How may we know the word that the LORD has not spoken?'— when a prophet speaks in the name of the LORD, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the LORD has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him." (Deut 18:20-22)
Bad news for all prophets that get it wrong. Though it's not made clear here who should carry out the sentence. Still, that's what you're playing with when you start applying fundamentalism where you should start thinking straight. And if the eBible fellowship are with us on 22 May, logically they should be the last ones to complain if we start lobbing rocks. Although, of course, being the relativists we are, we won't. We're nice, cuddly post-modernists who regard the World ending on May 21 as just another small narrative, equally valid, among all the other ones.
The reason a false prophet comes up with stupid prophecies is power - as long as you have the prophecy ahead of you, you have power. Until it goes past. And then you have to apologise. Or explain that God has relented.
Anyway. We're organising our "we're all still here" street party for the 22 May. We're quietly confident that it won't just be us still here - the eBible fellowship will as well. Unless, of course, they've been raptured. In which case we're sure they won't mind if we keep on with our party anyway.
Hat tip to Not so random thoughts for this link.
That's when the sun starts to die, of course. As it converts into a red giant (a bit like middle-aged spread, but ironically it will be getting lighter) it will absorb first Mercury and Venus, then probably stretch out roughly to our orbit. We're basically done for. 5 billion years and that's it. Then the earth will be done. 5 billion years and it's all over. So you'd better get your affairs in order.
Unless of course you believe in the eBible fellowship, who've decided that it's going to be May 21 this year. Ignoring the thousands of fruitcakes who've made these forecasts in the past. Ignoring the fact that even by the barmy standards of using the Bible to date future events, this is bonkers (though Burton may have a go later. But he's already pointing out to me that the dates in the prophecy don't line up with Archbishop Ussher - so they can't be right).
Here's my personal prophecy. I claim, for reasons referred to below, no divine inspiration. This is all out of my brain.
God will be declared, come 22 May, to have relented. Someone's prayers will have been so effective that God will change his mind. This will be the only possible explanation for the otherwise unaccountable fact that the sun will rise on 22 May just the same as normal. Unless it's because we have been given another second chance. Or the dates have unfortunately been miscalculated - some problem carrying a three during a long multiplication, or a king of Israel overlapping with a king of Judah, or some such. But there will have to be some kind of explanation. Because let's what God has to say about prophets who are wrong:
"But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in my name that I have not commanded him to speak, or who speaks in the name of other gods, that same prophet shall die.' And if you say in your heart, 'How may we know the word that the LORD has not spoken?'— when a prophet speaks in the name of the LORD, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the LORD has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him." (Deut 18:20-22)
Bad news for all prophets that get it wrong. Though it's not made clear here who should carry out the sentence. Still, that's what you're playing with when you start applying fundamentalism where you should start thinking straight. And if the eBible fellowship are with us on 22 May, logically they should be the last ones to complain if we start lobbing rocks. Although, of course, being the relativists we are, we won't. We're nice, cuddly post-modernists who regard the World ending on May 21 as just another small narrative, equally valid, among all the other ones.
The reason a false prophet comes up with stupid prophecies is power - as long as you have the prophecy ahead of you, you have power. Until it goes past. And then you have to apologise. Or explain that God has relented.
Anyway. We're organising our "we're all still here" street party for the 22 May. We're quietly confident that it won't just be us still here - the eBible fellowship will as well. Unless, of course, they've been raptured. In which case we're sure they won't mind if we keep on with our party anyway.
Hat tip to Not so random thoughts for this link.
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
A little light Doom in the morning
It's taken me all night. And I won't pretend I'm not a little fuzzy this morning. Not least because of the invention of the "Brian Cox Drinking Game". Which is not advised. And a death trap when you're Photo-shopping the Good Professor's silhouette out of all your holiday snaps.
But now, as I watch the doomed Sun rising over the doomed landscape, and reflecting off the doomed, balding head of Drayton Parslow as he repents on the lawn, I have the opportunity to reflect on what I saw Sunday night on "Wonders of the Universe".
It seems to me that, if you were going to start a series on the Wonders of the Universe, you wouldn't naturally start with the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. This - Time's Arrow - the Law that describes the work of Entropy. The thing that drives the entire evolution of the universe - and that ultimately produces its end. As the level of entropy increases in a closed system (like our Universe, unless there are others that leak in and out) all things will flourish, and then die. Great Civilisations will fall. The Earth will, if it is lucky, one day be a scorched rock orbiting an exploding star. The universe itself will run down and weaken like a Coalition policy until, through the evaporating effect of Hawking Radiation, one day even the black holes will dry out. The universe will be freezing cold soup of photons, of total chaos, where nothing will ever happen - forever. Which sounds to me worrying like a Thursday night out in Milton Keynes.
And some might feel that's all a bit doomy - why should I tune in next week? But I say - superb. That's the way a universe should end - with a whimper. And some say where does it leave God? And I say - just where God always was, wherever that is. But sure, it's bad news for some philosophies. Where's your Omega Point now, Mr de Chardin? Just a soup of photons. Where's creationism? Shown up for the lack of imagination it always was. This isn't some cheap-skate universe with a tin roof, knocked up in a garage in 6 days and insufficiently fire-proofed so it's due to go up in flames next Wednesday. This is a 24-carat giant universe that speaks of logic and beauty and rational mathematics - and ends in chaos. As Max Quordlepleen put it, this gives you hope for the future of All Life Kind - except we know that it hasn't got one. This is the Universe that chimes in with Valhalla and Armageddon and a God of rationality and grace getting senselessly and apparently unimportantly getting nailed to a cross. This is a universe where your Gaddafis and your Mubaraks and your Charlemagnes and your Stalins and your Maos and your Hitlers have their day before being consigned to the dustbin of photonic soup.
So gather your rosebuds while ye may - which will probably be July, the way this spring is progressing. And do a short-term deed of kindness. It's worth as much as building an empire, and will last approximately as long, on a universal scale. Laugh, rejoice, make love and peace in this short-lived human existence in this universal doom-factory. Vanity, all is vanity, says the Philosopher - and he's right. And if you're hoping for a Resurrection - bear in mind that it's gonna be a big one.
But now, as I watch the doomed Sun rising over the doomed landscape, and reflecting off the doomed, balding head of Drayton Parslow as he repents on the lawn, I have the opportunity to reflect on what I saw Sunday night on "Wonders of the Universe".
It seems to me that, if you were going to start a series on the Wonders of the Universe, you wouldn't naturally start with the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. This - Time's Arrow - the Law that describes the work of Entropy. The thing that drives the entire evolution of the universe - and that ultimately produces its end. As the level of entropy increases in a closed system (like our Universe, unless there are others that leak in and out) all things will flourish, and then die. Great Civilisations will fall. The Earth will, if it is lucky, one day be a scorched rock orbiting an exploding star. The universe itself will run down and weaken like a Coalition policy until, through the evaporating effect of Hawking Radiation, one day even the black holes will dry out. The universe will be freezing cold soup of photons, of total chaos, where nothing will ever happen - forever. Which sounds to me worrying like a Thursday night out in Milton Keynes.
And some might feel that's all a bit doomy - why should I tune in next week? But I say - superb. That's the way a universe should end - with a whimper. And some say where does it leave God? And I say - just where God always was, wherever that is. But sure, it's bad news for some philosophies. Where's your Omega Point now, Mr de Chardin? Just a soup of photons. Where's creationism? Shown up for the lack of imagination it always was. This isn't some cheap-skate universe with a tin roof, knocked up in a garage in 6 days and insufficiently fire-proofed so it's due to go up in flames next Wednesday. This is a 24-carat giant universe that speaks of logic and beauty and rational mathematics - and ends in chaos. As Max Quordlepleen put it, this gives you hope for the future of All Life Kind - except we know that it hasn't got one. This is the Universe that chimes in with Valhalla and Armageddon and a God of rationality and grace getting senselessly and apparently unimportantly getting nailed to a cross. This is a universe where your Gaddafis and your Mubaraks and your Charlemagnes and your Stalins and your Maos and your Hitlers have their day before being consigned to the dustbin of photonic soup.
So gather your rosebuds while ye may - which will probably be July, the way this spring is progressing. And do a short-term deed of kindness. It's worth as much as building an empire, and will last approximately as long, on a universal scale. Laugh, rejoice, make love and peace in this short-lived human existence in this universal doom-factory. Vanity, all is vanity, says the Philosopher - and he's right. And if you're hoping for a Resurrection - bear in mind that it's gonna be a big one.
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Once in a New Moon
Oh boy, what a day.
A bad combination of Hnaef's early-morning habit of reading the Daily Office, Drayton's fundamentalist tendencies and that bunch of delusional, impressionable losers - the Moon Gibbon Folk.
Hnaef, being possessed of a love of the well-turned phrase, was much taken with Hosea 5:7 - "Now the new moon shall devour them along with their fields." He took to musing on the verse at breakfast, and then set it to the tune "Lydia".
Drayton caught on to this most interesting of verses, and expounded upon it at great length to a small group of Moon Gibbon people he met in the Upper Meadow. He explained how the attack of the New Moon was a punishment for the whoredom and adulteries of the People Called Beaker.
Of course, this was disastrous for the confidence of the Moon Gibbon folk. They were already convinced that, once a month, the Moon disappeared after being eaten by a giant Moon Gibbon. And now Drayton has persuaded them that, at God's specific command, the New Moon roams the earth looking for sinners to consume in its turn. And what chance do we have, they ask? After all - a cosmic Gibbon you can see coming, you've got a chance. But a ravenous New Moon - it's invisible, by definition. Or, at the least, it's so slender it can catch you by sneaking up sideways.
I've tried to reason with them. I've said it's a poetic way of explaining that whatever bunch of people God was angry with at that stage in the Bible had a month before disaster befell them. But you know how it is with some people. My arguments were nuanced, subtle, respectful of context and poetic licence. Whereas they had the plain words to consider. I wasn't going to win that one. And it didn't help when Drayton announced that actually he'd got it wrong all along. Having checked the King James Version, it turns out that what God originally said was "now shall a month devour them with their portions" - and that's really bothered them. Now they're terrified of a whole month, but they don't know which month it is they're supposed to be scared of, and how exactly it's going to eat them. Or their portions. I tell you, the combination of fundamentalist certainty and millennial confusion is making it a nightmare to live round here. And March is certainly looking quite hungry.
A bad combination of Hnaef's early-morning habit of reading the Daily Office, Drayton's fundamentalist tendencies and that bunch of delusional, impressionable losers - the Moon Gibbon Folk.
Hnaef, being possessed of a love of the well-turned phrase, was much taken with Hosea 5:7 - "Now the new moon shall devour them along with their fields." He took to musing on the verse at breakfast, and then set it to the tune "Lydia".
Drayton caught on to this most interesting of verses, and expounded upon it at great length to a small group of Moon Gibbon people he met in the Upper Meadow. He explained how the attack of the New Moon was a punishment for the whoredom and adulteries of the People Called Beaker.
Of course, this was disastrous for the confidence of the Moon Gibbon folk. They were already convinced that, once a month, the Moon disappeared after being eaten by a giant Moon Gibbon. And now Drayton has persuaded them that, at God's specific command, the New Moon roams the earth looking for sinners to consume in its turn. And what chance do we have, they ask? After all - a cosmic Gibbon you can see coming, you've got a chance. But a ravenous New Moon - it's invisible, by definition. Or, at the least, it's so slender it can catch you by sneaking up sideways.
I've tried to reason with them. I've said it's a poetic way of explaining that whatever bunch of people God was angry with at that stage in the Bible had a month before disaster befell them. But you know how it is with some people. My arguments were nuanced, subtle, respectful of context and poetic licence. Whereas they had the plain words to consider. I wasn't going to win that one. And it didn't help when Drayton announced that actually he'd got it wrong all along. Having checked the King James Version, it turns out that what God originally said was "now shall a month devour them with their portions" - and that's really bothered them. Now they're terrified of a whole month, but they don't know which month it is they're supposed to be scared of, and how exactly it's going to eat them. Or their portions. I tell you, the combination of fundamentalist certainty and millennial confusion is making it a nightmare to live round here. And March is certainly looking quite hungry.
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Restoring some order
I don't know. Three days I go away. Three days. And when I come back there's chaos.
Young Keith's uncle the police constable was round when I got back. There's been complaints in the village. Apparently Burton Dasset, under the impression that a number of people had been taken in a Roman Catholic Rapture, has taken to walking around kicking people in the shins to see if they were robots.
Things also rather came to a head at the "Week of Christian Unity" service in Bogwulf Chapel, at which Drayton Parslow was guest preacher. Drayton spent twenty minutes explaining why, on the basis of Scripture, Christian Unity should consist of everybody joining Drayton's church. The sermon came to an abrupt end when Burton climbed the steps into the pulpit and kicked Drayton in the shins. He then tried to control Drayton with his car lock remote control. All the time shouting "Tell the Pope to give us the real Drayton back, you android!" A number of Beaker People tried to wrestle Burton from the pulpit, but when they let go of him he kicked them in the shins as well. I tell you, there's nothing scarier than a rather naive accountant with a fixed idea.
Anyway, I've locked Burton in the Gulfing Room. Give him a couple of hours with the lavender oil and he should stop kicking people in the shins.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to visit Drayton. I think he needs a good kick in the shins.
Young Keith's uncle the police constable was round when I got back. There's been complaints in the village. Apparently Burton Dasset, under the impression that a number of people had been taken in a Roman Catholic Rapture, has taken to walking around kicking people in the shins to see if they were robots.
Things also rather came to a head at the "Week of Christian Unity" service in Bogwulf Chapel, at which Drayton Parslow was guest preacher. Drayton spent twenty minutes explaining why, on the basis of Scripture, Christian Unity should consist of everybody joining Drayton's church. The sermon came to an abrupt end when Burton climbed the steps into the pulpit and kicked Drayton in the shins. He then tried to control Drayton with his car lock remote control. All the time shouting "Tell the Pope to give us the real Drayton back, you android!" A number of Beaker People tried to wrestle Burton from the pulpit, but when they let go of him he kicked them in the shins as well. I tell you, there's nothing scarier than a rather naive accountant with a fixed idea.
Anyway, I've locked Burton in the Gulfing Room. Give him a couple of hours with the lavender oil and he should stop kicking people in the shins.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to visit Drayton. I think he needs a good kick in the shins.
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
In case of Rapture...
Reading Mrs Hnaef's comments on the Rapture pet-keeping services has made me think.
People of Britain. Before getting in any bus, train or taxi - check if the driver is an evangelical. And bear in mind the consequences if the Rapture happens during your journey.
People of Britain. Before getting in any bus, train or taxi - check if the driver is an evangelical. And bear in mind the consequences if the Rapture happens during your journey.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Definitely the right date for the end of the world this time
I'm indebted to Steve Borthwick for the picture which gave us the link to the "We can know" website.
I needed a quiet couple of days, so I've shown it to Drayton Parslow, who's gone off with a pocket calculator, a King James Bible and an air of optimism.
He reckons this may be the right date. Not 2012, Not 1914. Not all the other dates when other equally well-meaning, deluded or downright fraudulent people predicted it for. But 2011.
Well, I suppose I'll get the Community dinghy pumped up for the twenty-third time. "As it was in the time of Noah", and all that.
I needed a quiet couple of days, so I've shown it to Drayton Parslow, who's gone off with a pocket calculator, a King James Bible and an air of optimism.
He reckons this may be the right date. Not 2012, Not 1914. Not all the other dates when other equally well-meaning, deluded or downright fraudulent people predicted it for. But 2011.
Well, I suppose I'll get the Community dinghy pumped up for the twenty-third time. "As it was in the time of Noah", and all that.
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