Is it too late to say I'm sorry?

Apologies all round. I understood that Rordrek was planning to hold a Ceilidh in the Old Cow Shed. Turns out he was planning to hold Kayleigh. Easy mistake to make, but not the same thing at all. Their nocturnal assignment was disturbed by the arrival of three violinists and a bunch of people carrying several cases of Guinness. Generally at this point most of us would apologise and leave. But not our Folk Band. Oh no. They were well into the third verse of "A Bunch of Thyme" before we could drag them out. Not a great night out for Kayleigh.

Full moon celebrations

Thanks to Rordrek who's organised a Ceilidh tonight in the Old Cow Shed. Nothing like a bit of traditional Irish folk singing, accompanied by a nice glass of Rioja.

Big Moon

So the moon was at its biggest for 15 years. So big deal.

Nice and drizzly in Husborne Crawley. Can anyone who sees the moon at any point this evening let me know? And ideally send me a photo?

On an unrelated note, now that the withies are up on the Moot Hall, can I expreess the thanks of the Druidical Team to the Folk who are so kindly making the trips down to the brook in freezing conditions and carrying the clay back up, as tradition dictates, in their bare hands. We really appreciate your efforts throughout the hours of daylight over the last three weeks. However...
The endless trips across the lawn of the Great House have worn a path across the lawn. This lawn has been in place for 497 years, ever since my many-times grandfather laid it out, at the cost of 52 under-gardeners. Clearly we cannot trample on tradition in this way.
Therefore, please can all daubers (as I believe the technical term is) please take the tour via Crow Lane. Yes, I know it's an additional mile or so. But believe me, it's worth it.

Buncefield (2005)

We felt we should mark this anniversary of the Buncefield explosion with a suitable act of worship.

Therefore......

The order of service for the 9 pm observation of "What the heck was that?"

Introit - "Fire" in A (Brown)

9.05 - Pouring out of Beakers (full of Kerosene)

9.10 - Lighting of the sacred flame

9.15 - Running around like headless chickens

9.20 - A moment of silence, as we reflect that whatever Buncefield did to Hemel Hempstead's house prices, it was nothing compared to what sub-prime trailer parks in the US managed

9.25 - Another, more profound, moment of silence as we remember we had mates who worked there - and give thanks it happened in the middle of the night.

9.30 - Discovery that the sacred flame and the kerosene have unexpectedly got too close together

9.31 - More headless-chicken behaviour, this time in earnest

9.32 - The Blessing - "Rejoice, it could have been much worse".

Advent Moon

As we prepare for this evening's Advent Moon celebration, can we try and do something about the light pollution the community's currently kicking out? Even with clear skies last night we could barely see the moon, let alone any stars.

For a start - the bling that's appeared on the Great House. The illuminated Gibbon Moon is probably acceptable. After all, it is a figure of reverence to the Gibbon Moon people. It's also one of the best-sellers in the Luton Airport outlet. Some of this is probably down to the fact that it's so large and brightly-lit, passengers in planes going into Luton can actually see it. The Santa, LED icicles, "Singing Ringing Tree" and the illuminated twenty-foot Alan Carr (why? why?) on the other hand, less so.

Then there's the new shopping outlet in the car park. I don't remember giving permission for "World of Wicker", and it's taking up a lot of space which would otherwise be used for parking 4x4s. But the thing that's really causing the trouble is that it appears to be a 24 hour traditional Beaker Christmas Tree Lights shop. Walking around it yesterday, I didn't even see any wicker. So it may be breaking the Trade Descriptions Act as well.

All in all, it appears that the approach to Yule this year is getting rather commercial.

Let us remember this time of Advent as a time for introspection. For self-examination. For considering what we will do when held to account at the end of time (by the Moon Gibbon, if that is in keeping with your beliefs). A time for lighting a candle in the darkness and considering the frailty of life. A time for donning our hi-viz in liturgical Advent orange, and heading out into the orchard to consider the beauty of the full moon. So it better be dark by full moon, or Hnaef's coming round with the wire-cutters.

In memory of Oliver Postgate

Today's programme is dedicated to the memory of Oliver Postgate.

8am - Choosing of new names: three Folk are choosing their names today, and their options are strictly limited to names from Noggin the Nog.

10am - Berlioz's Requiem - played on the Mouse Organ

12 noon - Building the Iron Chicken

2 pm - Filling-up of Beakers and Pouring-out of Beakers to be conducted entirely in the Clanger language. Swanee whistles will be provided.

4pm - Reverencing of Bagpuss

6pm - Rides on the Ivor the Engine experience. Well, OK, we go down to Ridgmont and get the train to Bletchley and back. Welsh accents compulsory.

Please note that for today, Aspley Heath has been renamed "Pogle's Wood"

Sleep well, Oliver.

Archdruid Noggin.

Gibbon Moon

On the basis that if you can't beat them, join them - we are glad to announce a special new line for Christmas.

Moon Gibbon Merchandise

Moon Gibbon Keyrings - Keep your keys safe this Christmas with our lovely Moon Gibbon Keyring. If you can't find your keys, just whistle and it will sing "The Funky Gibbon". Only £75!

Cuddly Moon Gibbons - ideal for your favourite niece or nephew. Just £12.95.

Robot Moon Gibbon - comes when you call! Only £123.45.

12 foot inflatable illuminated Moon Gibbon - the fan makes it "snow" on the Moon Gibbon. Perfect for the street with more Christmas "bling". £275.99. NB - may blow away on windy days.

Beaker Sale

Unsure what to buy for your loved ones this Christmas? Then let us help...

The Beaker Advent Sale!

Why not visit all our outlets this Advent?

50% off all woad-related products at the Woburn World of Woad


The Beaker Experience, Luton Airport

The Doily Clearance Extravaganza - up to 75% off some of the tackiest doilies you could possibly want to give to a hated relative this Christmas.

Traditional Beaker Cider (Duty Free sales only)

Traditional Beaker Beakers, handcrafted in an industrial unit in Bletchley

Traditional faux alpaca rayon/acrylic mix Beaker sweaters and pashminas

From the Book Yurt on-site in Husborne Crawley

The Beaker Common Prayer - written in authentic 16th century English and wrapped in an alpaca wool dust jacket covered in indecipherable runes that might just be mystical

The Beaker Worship Manual Vol I (Choruses in the Ancient Beaker Language)
The Beaker Worship Manual Vol II (1010 ways to use Tealights and Pebbles)
The Complete Beaker Worship Manual (Vols 1 & 2 combined)

The Beaker Worship Manual Vol III (Labyrinths and Standing Stones)
The Beaker Worship Manual Vol IV (Make Way for Beltane)

The Combined Beaker Worship Manual (Vols 1-4 combined)

The Beaker Worship Manual Vol V (Now That's What I call Beaker)

The "Honest, it's definitely complete this time" Beaker Manual Vol III (Incorporating all the above, plus, strangely, "Sounds of Living Water")

And now - a fine selection of Authentic Rustick Beaker Furniture which we knocked up out of bits of old wood in the shed, in an attempt to cash in on the collapse of MFI*

And don't forget - you can get up to 5 years' interest-free credit**

* It is not recommended that Traditional Beaker Furniture be sat on or indeed used in any way. We definitely wouldn't use it. We prefer sitting around on bean bags. Apart from Hnaef's throne.

** Absolutely not subject to any credit checks. Beaker Bank plc is happy to make enormous loans without any security, safe in the knowledge that the Government will bail us out without any financial impact on ourselves. All interest-free credit carries a 20% annual insurance charge in case you fail to make any payments. And we send the boys round to get the goods back.

New Appointment

With the dismissal of the former Arch-Assistant to the Archdruid, I feel it is a favourable time for some fine-tuning of the leadership structure. Therefore I am delighted to announce the appointment of the new Executive Arch-deputy Archdruid.
This role will encompass the duties of the former Arch-Assistant to the Archdruid, but will also take in a supervisory role over the processes involved in maintaining discipline around the Community. With this in mind, I am pleased to annouce the appointment of Hnaef to this dynamic new role.
Hnaef has had many years' leadership experience within the Moot House, and a 25 metre river-swimming certificate. We think the river may have been sacred as it appeared mysteriously one night in the middle of the path... what more recommendation could you want for a senior leader?
I hope that you will join me in welcoming Hnaef in his new role. There have been some grumblings about his involvement in Drayton's recent experiences, in the cash-for-tealights affair, and for the allegedly suspicious inducements he received for nominating Argwit and Ludwig as Half-Druids. If anyone has any issues with Hnaef's new post, I am happy for them to discuss those issues with me directly. After all, I know where you live.

The investigation reports back

I'm am pleased to announce that I have completed my investigation into the unfortunate incident in which Drayton was locked in the doily shed for two hours and investigated while Hnaef and his friends went through his personal belongings.
After a thorough and wide-ranging review, I have concluded that Hnaef was wholly responsible for this unfortunate, unwarranted and illegal intrusion into Drayton's affairs. Just because Drayton took an irresponsible and dangerously misguided interest in the affairs of the running of the Beaker Alpaca and Mushroom farm does not justify his mistreatment.
I have therefore regretfully had to sack Hnaef from his role as Arch-Assistant to the Arch-Druid with immediate effect. We cannot tolerate this kind of behaviour.
I hope we can now draw a line under the whole affair.

More on Drayton

More people have started to complain about the discussions that Drayton held with various members of the Beaker Folk authorities recently. I would like to set the record straight.
Although Hnaef and I spent several hours discussing how Drayton could be more constructive with respect to our employment of Kosovan and Congolese refugees, I would like to stress that I knew nothing about it in advance, and was totally unaware that it was happening at the time. I only found out about Drayton's incarceration after Hnaef told me about it. I should stress that Hnaef enjoys my complete confidence, and will continue to do so until it is necessary for me to sack him for unlawful imprisonment.