Saturday 6 December 2008

Beaker Sale

Unsure what to buy for your loved ones this Christmas? Then let us help...

The Beaker Advent Sale!

Why not visit all our outlets this Advent?

50% off all woad-related products at the Woburn World of Woad

The Beaker Experience, Luton Airport

The Doily Clearance Extravaganza - up to 75% off some of the tackiest doilies you could possibly want to give to a hated relative this Christmas.

Traditional Beaker Cider (Duty Free sales only)

Traditional Beaker Beakers, handcrafted in an industrial unit in Bletchley

Traditional faux alpaca rayon/acrylic mix Beaker sweaters and pashminas

From the Book Yurt on-site in Husborne Crawley

The Beaker Common Prayer - written in authentic 16th century English and wrapped in an alpaca wool dust jacket covered in indecipherable runes that might just be mystical

The Beaker Worship Manual Vol I (Choruses in the Ancient Beaker Language)
The Beaker Worship Manual Vol II (1010 ways to use Tealights and Pebbles)
The Complete Beaker Worship Manual (Vols 1 & 2 combined)

The Beaker Worship Manual Vol III (Labyrinths and Standing Stones)
The Beaker Worship Manual Vol IV (Make Way for Beltane)

The Combined Beaker Worship Manual (Vols 1-4 combined)

The Beaker Worship Manual Vol V (Now That's What I call Beaker)

The "Honest, it's definitely complete this time" Beaker Manual Vol III (Incorporating all the above, plus, strangely, "Sounds of Living Water")

And now - a fine selection of Authentic Rustick Beaker Furniture which we knocked up out of bits of old wood in the shed, in an attempt to cash in on the collapse of MFI*

And don't forget - you can get up to 5 years' interest-free credit**

* It is not recommended that Traditional Beaker Furniture be sat on or indeed used in any way. We definitely wouldn't use it. We prefer sitting around on bean bags. Apart from Hnaef's throne.

** Absolutely not subject to any credit checks. Beaker Bank plc is happy to make enormous loans without any security, safe in the knowledge that the Government will bail us out without any financial impact on ourselves. All interest-free credit carries a 20% annual insurance charge in case you fail to make any payments. And we send the boys round to get the goods back.

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