Paul Says, Sort it Out

My brothers and sisters, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, my beloved.
I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you also, my loyal companion, help these women, for they have struggled beside me in the work of the gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be
known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in
everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be
made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you. (Php 4.1-9)

Quick quote from "Writes of the Church" if I may.....

Dear Sir 

The vicar has suspended me from leading prayers in church.  Just because instead of standard “confessions”, I read out the names of a number of worshippers, and what they needed forgiveness for.
Makes you wonder what he is hiding.

Dr Sandra Ireland

We don't what happened to make Euodia and Syntyche fall out. Paul is kind enough not to mention the actual problem. Maybe it was a disagreement over who was on the flower rota that Sunday. Maybe one or the other had, like Dr Ireland, decided she was going to announce the other's sins to the church. Or was it a row over who was most important?

Doesn't matter. Whatever the row was about, it had made it to Paul. And Paul is concerned. Because a Church is not meant to have such rows that they make it all the way across the Roman Empire.

What I don't think it was, was a clear cut disagreement about something that really mattered. You know, like Paul telling Peter he was wrong about the Gentiles. This is less important, less arguable and therefore more toxic. The disagreement of the organist that thinks he should pick all the anthems and the vicar's decided for him. Of the powerful chap on the PCC who wasn't asked to be on the Christingle planning committee. Of the priest who never got the nod when a vacancy for canon came up.

So Euodia and Syntyche sit there as a reminder forever that churches don't grow or fall by their precision of doctrine - or Paul would have told them the answer. They aren't broken by one piece of dodgy furniture or architecture - in Paul's day they didn't even have buildings. But they can be poisoned by the little stuff - the grumblings and petty ambitions.

And yet the better way is given. Stop moaning about each other. Sort things out clearly. Be gentle.

Then pray, and give thanks to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, can flow from us to others - if we just let it flow in, first.

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Where the Wild Stuff Is

Scientists announce they have discovered half the missing mass of the universe.

A great achievement.

In late news, the remaining missing mass has been identified as:

• Odd socks
• Biros (thank you Douglas Adams)
• Reading glasses
• Fluff left in the bath
• Alternative Service Books "just in case"
• Brexiteers' Hopes
• 20p pieces down the sofa
• Jeremy Corbyn's home-made jam
• Euro 96 caps
• Garlic that's 12 months out of date in the fridge
• Failed Brexit strategies
• Old service sheets nobody could get round to throwing away
• Arsene Wenger's unsigned resignation letters
• The brushings from hipsters' beards
• Cat fur shed on people's sweaters
• Unwanted keyrings
• Dork matter
• Crusty bits off cheese
• Unread books by Richard Dawkins
• Unread poems by Rowan Williams

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World Tea Light Day

It's dark outside, dull and gray
So celebrate World Tea-Light Day!

There's been a raft of World Days lately. I blame the Internet. In the old days if you had a bit of a limp, or liked making jam, you'd crack on with it.

But these days you'll find out through SocMed that it's World Year of Jam, or Unesco Walk With a Limp Day. Suddenly there is a hash tag, and people uploading pictures of their jam and/or limp onto Instagram. On any given day the "world", or that part of it with access to the # key, is talking about little else.

So I figured we might as well join in. Here at the Beaker Folk we're particularly tea light-focused this year. With Brexit just round the corner, we're boiling any dead livestock we find down to tallow, so at least we'll be able to get some kind of lighting after we plunge hideously from the EU due to the hideous dream of lost Empire of a Bertie Wooster lookalike and a philanderer with a mop on his head.

Sorry. Where was I?

Yeah. So it's getting darker in the evenings. The squirrels are working in the woods. Down the Parks Road, Oxford Chemists crunch their way to lectures through the fallen leaves. The Year dies around us.

It's just so gloomy. Light a tea light. It'll cheer you up. World Tea Light Day - raising awareness of something, without needing the slightest commitment!

Happy World Tea Light Day! Now held on the first Friday 13th after the Autumn Equinox, every year!

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Tea lights under cc @ wikimedia 

Writes of the Church - On sale now and perfect for Christmas

Christmas is Organised

The nights are drawing in. And so we thought we'd better get the Christmas services organised.

Well, not organised. That would imply a top-down, hierarchical approach. Instead, we have spent the evening thrashing out the governance needed to manage the various strands of the Christmas experience.

I should point out that this chart does not cover Christmas festivities of a non-worship-related nature - including the Yule Feast, Wassail, Xmas Dinner. Nor the Solstice activities, which mostly consist of standing in the cold and dark and wishing the sky were clear and we knew which way was south-east.

But for worship-related activities, this is the structure.

You need to click on the diagram to get the full beauty of the committee structure.  But to summarise the roles of each entity:

Druidic Synod: Now, we're a very bottom-up kind of organisation. Which is why it's really important, with all those grass roots, that we have a strong committee at the top to do the weeding.

Moot: The Moot is the meeting of elected Beaker representatives. They think they're in charge. But they're wrong.

Xmas Subcommittee: Strictly speaking, the subcommittee responsible for all of Christmas, except the social stuff. And the Solstice. And anything with "Yule" in the title. And the Nativity.

Carol Service Subcommittee: The Carol Service has exactly the same format every year. All this group needs to do is get hold of last year's flyers and service sheets, and tweak the dates. How they need to meet 24 times a year to achieve this is beyond any of us. 

Christingle Subcommittee (and its sub-subcommittees): All about answering the important questions. What order of service shall we use? How do we ensure nobody catches fire? Can you get those sweets all year round or only at Christmas? And shall we over-order oranges like last year, or massively under-order like the year before?

Adult Xmas Co-ordinator: Has the job of ensuring that adults aren't left out. Generally involves sherry.

New Year's Eve Planning Group: I have no idea what they do. New Year's Eve is the same date every year. And we don't have a party.

Beaker Quire: Although not strictly a Christmas group, they get really annoyed if we forget about them. So they manage their own "stream" of Christmassyness, cutting across the other Christmas-related activities, and let us all know what they're up to.

Nativity Subcommittee: Responsible for co-ordinating all Nativity preparation and rehearsals.

Donkey Subcommittee: Responsible for finding a donkey, or else two people prepared to share a donkey costume

Mary & Joseph Subcommittee: Joseph slouches and Mary has an accent so London you'd never believe she's the Mother of God. So they need a lot of coaching.

Angel Subcommittee: Unfortunately rather than being a harmonious heavenly choir, the Angels have broken up into rival groups according to self-styled rank. In vain the firstborn cherub tries to keep the others under control. So they have strictly separate rehearsals, coming together in chaos for the big day.

Miscellaneous Characters Break-out Group: This is where the more forgotten of the Nativity characters get together to sulk that they've not been chosen to be Mary or Joseph. They mostly just mutter "at least I don't slouch." The shepherds' collective has been known to walk out just for having to sit on a hillside.

Evangelist for Xmas: Not many people are aware of what Christmas is, or how to relate to it. Some people might just let it slip past without even noticing it. Sponsored by John Lewis, our Evangelist for Xmas ensures we all know it involves abseiling pandas, parachuting foxes, irritating badgers and a terrier called Phil.

Xmas Co-ordinator: Reports to the Moot on all Xmas-related activities. Tries to get them into a semblance of order, so the Beer and Carols doesn't happen at the same time as the "Advent Calendar on Stilts" and the first viewing of the John Lewis ad. Then discovers they're uncontrollable and goes off to sob in a corner.

Xmas Druid: Wears a red suit and big white beard, and says "ho ho ho" a lot. Asks us to call him Nick.

So you can see - we've got Christmas governance well and truly under control. In fact, we reckon we can get one organised by 2019 at the latest.

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Writes of the Church - On sale now and perfect for Christmas

Miles Grocer: "Me and My Brexit"

Every week, a celebrity writes on their view of the Brexit process. This week it's not-quite-such-a-celebrity-as-Richard Coles, Miles Grocer. Miles is the vicar of St Jeremy's-in-the-Allotment.

As the weeks tick down towards the Brexit deadline, it's important to understand what we're heading towards, and what people voted for.

When I voted for Brexit, I was working on the basis that this would mean the UK leaving the European Union and all its related structures - the Single Market, the European Court of Justice, the Customs Union. This would mean that the UK could establish the Socialist system we need, without interference from Europe. At the same time, I wanted to keep complete free movement of people from around the world, ensuring that the kind of diverse community in which I live can be replicated right across the country, and not just in London.

Naturally when we won, I was expecting Jeremy Corbyn's Labour government to put this in place. But in fact, none of it has yet happened. All that happens is that Theresa May's Opposition keeps going to Europe, while International Capital tries to ensure we Remain against the wishes of the down-trodden British coopers, coal miners and wheel tappers.

Interestingly, when I ask people who voted for Brexit why they did so, they give totally different answers to my reasoning. They tell me they wanted to keep the benefits of tariff-free trade with Europe, keeping easy travel for holidays in Amalfi, only with fewer foreigners in England.

Clearly they are living in a fool's paradise. And equally clearly it's the job of decent, well-educated, middle-class white men to explain to both Brexit and Remain voters why they are all wrong, and I am right.

So far, they don't seem to be listening. A bit like with my Thoughts for the Day.

But I remain sure that eventually all shall see sense. They will realise I am right. Britain will stand as a self-reliant, confident Socialist republic, growing our own bananas and drinking British coffee, ground from British acorns, grown on the British oaks we will chop down to make way for the millions of people who will want to share our success.

And people say Christians don't really believe in heaven. Rubbish. We can believe in things far more unlikely than that.

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School for Snowflakes

I don't really use the term "snowflake" very often. Its use as a way of suppressing free speech makes it pretty meaningless. And if we're going to use it for "people who are unnecessarily offended by things that aren't really offensive" then, let's face it, Donald Trump is the Snowflake-in-Chief.

But I'm going to make an exception for the committee of Balliol College JCR that was responsible for effectively no-platforming the Christian Union at their Freshers' Fair.

Freshers' Fair, for the people that aren't familiar with this monstrosity, is where 2nd and 3rd year students arrange stalls in a hall in the hope of identifying the 1st years that are worth sleeping with. While the 1st years, imaginations full of Morse and Lewis, are looking for free drinks and prepared to lie about having an interest in yoga, Tai Chi or - heaven help us - wargaming.

Freddie Potts, JCR vice-chair - told the CU, "We recognise the wonderful advantages in having CU representatives at the freshers’ fair, but are concerned that there is potential for harm to freshers who are already struggling to feel welcome in Oxford.”

That's right. There is potential for harm to freshers in Oxford. The University where practically every college was set up for a religious purpose. There is a very real danger that they might come across religion. When almost every college has a chapel. Presumably that particular JCR committee is running round the colleges late at night, taping over the word "Chapel" wherever they find it on a wall. Trying to persuade people that Pusey House is a hall of residence. Stealthily removing Keble College Chapel brick by brick would also be possible, but then we're all in favour of that.

But where do we stop if "Christianity’s influence on many marginalised communities has been damaging"? What about football: a sport that has been involved in both sexual abuse and sexism? With a terrible history of racism and homophobia? A sport that, at the top level in this country, is pretty much bankrolled by sponsorship from the gambling industry? A sport where people are dying to build the World Cup stadiums of a country that blatantly bought the competition?  Have Balliol banned their football team?

What about political societies - always popular in universities. Have Labour been banned because of Stalin's purges? The Conservatives because of Mrs Thatcher's relationship to Gen Pinochet? The Liberals because of Cyril Smith?

What about the Science Fiction Society? An form of literature and entertainment that gave us Battleship Earth and Sting in Dune? Surely they should be banned from a three-mile radius of Carfax?

Do Balliol have a Wine Society? The consumption of alcohol has caused millions of deaths through history. And predominantly among the sort of people that use alcohol as a way to try and improve their reality. The marginalised, in other words.

Balliol has produced three UK Prime Ministers: Asquith,  Macmillan, and  Heath. I've got to say that's not a great track record. And I speak as an alumna of Brasenose. Given Asquith's taking the Empire into WW1, and Heath's record in abolishing Rutland - and MacMillan's just being useless -  I reckon the best thing to do is to ban Balliol College from Balliol College, for its record in killing the working class and wrecking our counties.

Thinking about it, I suspect this isn't actually about oppressed minorities at all. The people who banned the CU just don't like Christianity, do they?

You know, it strikes me that we need to consider what education is for. Balliol was founded by John de Balliol and the Bishop of Durham. All Souls Oxford was founded so the forty clergymen who were the inmates could pray for the souls of the dead. These were establishments that were intended not just to educate but to do good with an indefinite - indeed eternal - timescale.

Freddie Potts's view of education is that we keep people from anything that might upset them so they can be lawyers, politicians or accountants for 40 years and then they die. Not quite so grand.

On this basis, why should we waste our time with education? For 40 years of improved wages in the hope you might pay your loan back? Doesn't exactly concur with the great ambitions of the founders. Let the snowflake JCR Freshers' Fair Sub-Committee of Balliol get out and mine coal. It's a proper living and you don't end up in debt.

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Writes of the Church - On sale now and perfect for Christmas

Church Dictionary - Interregnum

Interregnum (n)
1. Period between two reigns.
2. A subtle reminder that the vicar's in charge, even when there isn't one.

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Writes of the Church - On sale now and perfect for Christmas

Nativity of Kirsty MacColl (1959)

No empty bench in Soho Square

No I don't know the reason why

I'll love you till the day I die.

But one day you'll be waiting there 

Come summertime in Soho Square

And I'll be painting stars up in the sky

Before I get too old to cry 

Before my birthday.

The Eve of St Kirsty

Hymns:

Autumgirlsoup
Soho Square
My Way Home
Fairytale of New York

Please note that we won't be having any Liturgical Dancing.

In these shoes?  I don't think so.

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Writes of the Church - On sale now and perfect for Christmas

The LBC Phone-in for All Seasons

Welcome to LBC! The channel that used to employ Katie Hopkins until she turned out to be too ghastly even for us.

Now our lawyers tell us we can't be rude about black people, Muslims or gays. Even Nigel Farage has to stick to slurs and being slimy. But we really want to encourage hate against somebody. Obviously it can't be on grounds of religion, sexual orientation or race. But the good news is there's one group that's not protected in any way, and because they're not sitting in their cars in traffic all day they don't even listen to us!

So why not tune in to our phone-in this evening: "Cyclists. What a Shower of Gits."

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Writes of the Church - On sale now and perfect for Christmas

From a Height (Matt 21)

Jesus said to the chief priests and the elders of the people: ‘Listen to another parable. There was a landowner who planted a vineyard, put a fence around it, dug a wine press in it, and built a watch-tower. Then he leased it to tenants and went to another country. When the harvest time had come, he sent his slaves to the tenants to collect his produce. But the tenants seized his slaves and beat one, killed another, and stoned another. Again he sent other slaves, more than the first; and they treated them in the same way. Finally he sent his son to them, saying, “They will respect my son.” But when the tenants saw the son, they said to themselves, “This is the heir; come, let us kill him and get his inheritance.” So they seized him, threw him out of the vineyard, and killed him. Now when the owner of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?’ They said to him, ‘He will put those wretches to a miserable death, and lease the vineyard to other tenants who will give him the produce at the harvest time.’
Jesus said to them, ‘Have you never read in the scriptures: “The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; this was the Lord’s doing, and it is amazing in our eyes”? Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that produces the fruits of the kingdom. The one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; and it will crush anyone on whom it falls.’
When the chief priests and the Pharisees heard his parables, they realized that he was speaking about them. They wanted to arrest him, but they feared the crowds, because they regarded him as a prophet. 

I know a church where this is the reading this weekend. And it's baptism week. This is a heck of a baptism text. This is not a happy reading. This is not really a good news reading. Given the typical baptism congregation, this is not even an appropriate reading for a baptism. Because the type of people normally turning up one-off for a baptism aren't fitting into any of the categories that are being dealt with here- not the chief priests, not the Pharisees - not even the "crowds" that they are  so scared of.

And this appears to be a bygone fight. This is the sort of passage that would have meant a lot to the early Church, as it scrapped with a Jewish establishment as to who was right and who was wrong.

But maybe not.

What were the Pharisees and chief priests doing? They were maintaining their own power over against others. They were using their positions to get others to respect them - whether or not they deserved it.

And we still see that in the Church - people who think their being in the right place, doing the right job, saying the right words, wearing the right things are what is important.

But the "crowds" following Jesus - they weren't interested in position or power or their rights. They'd not had rights in the first place. They knew there was something wrong in their lives - they were ill, or their families were ill, or they just needed loving or they were struggling with the concept of this thing called "sin" which meant they felt so far from God yet all the normal rituals and readings - or the pagan gods, if they were Gentiles - weren't able to bring them closer.

And this man appeared to have something else. He taught with an authority that seemed to come from God. He backed up his claims with wonders. He didn't care whether he was dealing with men, women, children - he'd even deal with Gentiles. He preached an acceptance they'd never experienced, a direct knowledge of God they'd not heard of - and they just wanted to know more about it. So they followed him.

And the Pharisees and chief priests saw him as a threat. They could see what everyone knowing God - unmediated, without the need for ritual priests - would mean. Hadn't they spent two thousand years doing their best to shut the prophets up? When the prophets kept demanding justice, hadn't they kept pointing people to order, to ritual, to good behaviour?

And here he was - another prophet - and in that parable claiming to be so much more than one messenger from God. He was claiming to be God's son. No wonder they were angry.

The "stone that the builders rejected," the psalmist cried, "has become the cornerstone." The builders - the people who laboured in Israel - Jesus identifies with the establishment. The stone - with himself. He's telling them - you will lose your positions, you will lose your rights. The Temple - the place from the which the priests gained their rights - would be lost. The Pharisees would regroup, would remake the Jewish people and faith in exile - would be the builders of the faithful Jews of today. But they'd never rule the roost again like they did, there, in Judah.

The stone, Jesus says, will crush them if it falls on them from a height. That height was a cross. In trying to protect their power, they would lose it. In 40 years, the powers of priests was broken - the Pharisees scattered, as what they had worked to preserve was destroyed by the Roman Empire.

The things they harvested, the things they kept for themselves - respect, offerings, earthly power - they should have given to God. The thing they should have hung onto - the true rock - they rejected. Jesus says to the Pharisees, to the Priests, to the crowds - and to us - what is important? Our temporary powers, our rights, our rules, our personal authority? All these things that will pass? Or the life of God, given from the Son, poured out by the Spirit, which will last forever?

No contest, is it?

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