Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Liturgy of Remembrance for Gorden Kaye

Archdruid: Allo allo!

Officer Crabtree: Good moaning.

Capt Geering: Clop!


Archdruid: Rene - is there anything you would like to confess to, after I caught you in the cupboard with Yvette?

Rene: You stupid woman! I was only looking for tea lights with which to illuminate the fake portrait of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Van Klump.

Yvette: Ohhhh Rrrrene!

Rene: Oh Yvette!

Howard from Last of the Summer Wine: Oh Marina!

Herr Flick of the Gestapo: Howard from Last of the Summer Wine, you appear to be in ze wrong sit com. And for zis you must be punished.

Helga: Oh Herr Flick! And I thought it was me you wanted.

Bertorelli: What a mistake-a to make-a!


Michelle: Listen vairy cairfully. I will say zis only once.

The parable of the Inn keeper who hid two RAF officers under a bushel.


Solo: Jesu joy of man's desiring  (sung by Madame Edith)


Helga: May I kiss you?

Herr Flick of the Gestapo: You may kiss me.

Archdruid: Who will kiss Mme Fanny?

LeClerc: It is I - LeClerc.


The town is brightly lit. Clad in a white apron, Rene is drying a brandy glass.

Rene: And so it ees over. The girls are now old women. The diners 'ave gone away. The Gestapo are no more. Ze peace in Europe has remained for 70 years. French, Germans, English, Italians - we 'ave seen the folly of 'atred and said we will 'ave no more. And I can bid you "adieu".

A rally for Marie le Pen passes in the distance. A posh Englishman called Nigel strolls, drunk, into the town square and falls into the fountain. The sound of neo-Nazis can be heard afar. As the camera pans, the lights can be seen going out again.

Sad accordion music. Mimi drops a flower on a fallen apron.


  1. Hope kept our parents going, so we must also have hope. After all, Trumps presidency is shorter than World War II!


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