Saturday, 14 January 2017

Situations Vacant: Parish of St Paradigm's

The parish of St Paradigm's is looking for a new priest.

We are a vibrant, diverse parish committed to inclusiveness. Over the last ten years, attendance has increased steadily, and we meet our parish share every year, with enough money left over to put some towards good causes.
Has it ever occurred to you the tower would be better at the other end?

Could you be our ideal priest? You will be committed to a state of constant change and reorganisation. You will realise that, whatever we are doing, it needs improvement. By changing all the committee structures, introducing a new form of leadership group and swapping the house groups around, you will make things slightly different to how they are now.

You will start slowly, by changing the way you face during communion. We won't  understand why, but we'll leave you to it. You will replace the music group (introduced 5 years ago) with an organist and choir because it's more respectful than the old happy-clappy ways of doing things. Probably the same organist that was sacked 5 years ago,

After two years or so you will realise that what we really need is a building project.  This will be the case whether there is anything needing changing or not. You will commit the church's energy into replacing the church kitchen with a new set of accessible toilets.  And replacing the accessible toilets with a meeting room. And replacing the current meeting room with a new kitchen.

When you leave after five years you will be convinced you have radically changed the parish. Just like our last vicar was.


  1. Dear experts, Can you please provide us with an appropriate job description for St Stuck in the Mud's where the vicar has been there for 20 years?

  2. Please send me the job application. I am a chronic innovator, committed to change for change's sake. Pity I'm not CofE...


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