Dr Burton's Homoeopathy Store

Dear reader, I originally joined the Beaker Folk believing that I was somehow entering a shelter - a sanctuary, if you will. Somewhere I could find some certainty, some calm - somewhere out of the wind of the modern world, in the lee of the hills of the Beaker Way, the stillness of a harbour out of the swing of the sea, as the saying has it. A quiet, peaceful army where the footsore soldiers of the urban war are excused boots. A time-out in the Rat Race. But sometimes I find that the life of the Community actually gives me more dilemmas than I have in the outside world.

Take this Homoeopathy operation. The Archdruid is most insistent that we need to get "into the market", as she puts it. I forget the exact details, but a birthrate of one every minute was mentioned. So I've had to open Dr Burton's Homoeopathy Store in a corner of the Beaker Bazaar. I mean, of course she's right. Technically I'm not making any false claims. But how my doctorate from the University of Bedfordshire in Economics and Folk-Dancing adds to the efficacy of our preparations I've no idea.

Anyway, the plan is to start with the Bricks - a real, physical homoeopathy store - and then Phase 2 is when we move on to the Clicks - the Dr Burton's website. That's apparently where the real money is.

So I've got about 10,000 vials of tap water in the little washroom behind the Beaker Bazaar. Whenever anyone comes to my stall and tells me what's wrong with them, I nip out the back, print them the appropriate label and stick in on a vial. It seems dishonest to me, but we're turning over a fortune, and they're all claiming it worked. Apart from that bloke with the amputation. Had no effect on him, no matter what the Archdruid claims.