A Better Class of Service Book

It has been a funny recession. Although those in lower-paid jobs have seen pay freezes, and those in the public sector have been working hard to try and keep in their jobs, the better-off have done quite well. Anyone with a large mortgage, for example, has cashed in with low interest rates - especially if they locked into the right rates.

And that is why the Beaker Bazaar is now selling a new worship book. We noticed that the Church of England has a Common Worship, which would fit in with that strange idea that Christianity is for the poor. But since when were the poor the possessors of large amounts of discretionary spending power? So we're going for a plusher version, for upmarket suburban congregations, with high-quality paper and a full-colour liturgy.

We thought of calling it "Not-so-Common Worship". Then we thought about "Upwardly-mobile Worship", then "Workers-not-Shirkers Worship". But we've been inspired by the Tory Conference. We're going to call it "A Worship Book of Opportunity for All".