Thursday, 17 October 2013

Liturgy for laying an Old Bike to Rest

Hymn: Bicycle Race

Charlii: Forasmuch as this old bike was old, and full of years and miles....

All: A goodly innings.

Charlii: And its owner spent more time on it over 16 years than some people spend with their children....

All: A faithful steed

Charlii: And knowing that it has travelled to France and Belgium and Wales, has commuted to London and Leicester and journeyed to every corner of Bedfordshire,  Northamptonshire and Camden....

All: A Ulysses of bikes.

Charlii : And knowing it has carried small children to nursery, sports kit to leisure centres and even, on occasion, 20lbs of cheap apples home from the market for cider-making.....

All: A true workhorse.

Charlii: So now we recognise that, though it has more or less snapped in half through age and overwork and rough handling from East Midlands Railways, yet the soft beggar that owns it is too sentimental to throw it into the scrap metal skip at the recycling centre. So instead we commit it, allegedly as a source of spare parts, to the garage for the duration of its owner's life.

All: May it rust in peace.

Hymn: I've got a bike, you can ride it if you like".


Charlii: Go;  and ring no more.


  1. We have 3 old rusty bikes in our garage. I'm sure they are not rusting in peace as we didn't do the proper liturgy. They are too big to be transported in our small car to the recycling centre. Before we take them apart can you produce a fitting liturgy for the dismantling of old bicycles?

  2. The organ would play the Dead March from Saul - just a few Handel bars.

  3. I've never seen the point of 2 wheeled bikes? Why boneshake on two wheels, when you can boneshake on three (trike) or even four (Quadbike).

    No, I'm proud of not being a 2 wheeled bike owner, but someone who travels in a windproof, air conditioned, comfortable japanese japlopy.


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