Charges for Criticism

Thanks to Broadway Hotel, Blackpool for the idea.

From now on, the tariff of charges is as follows:

Pilgrims criticising the Community........................................... £40

Accusations of heresy ................................................................£50

Pinging hazelnuts at the picture of Mother Julian ....................... 20p

Moaning about the food .............................................................£28

Letters to the Church Times ....................................................... £4

Comments on Guardian Articles .................................. 10 a penny

Complaining that things ain't what they used to be .................. 2 guineas

Failure to return borrowed pebbles after three days .............10p per pebble

Theft of the Ark of the Covenant ............................. 50 tumours of gold

Trolling the archdruid on Twitter.............................................. £45

Failure to read the small print .................................................... priceless