If Jesus was alive he'd have an iPhone
— Stelio Kantos (@BrokePhiBrokeLR) November 19, 2014
@scarletmonahan If Jesus was alive in 21st Century Britain then He would be shocked at the lack of human kindness in this Country
— C.I.D.P Astronaut (@The_Jag_10) November 19, 2014
I bet if Jesus was alive in 2014, he would take selfies with everyone, and then heal them. #goodguyJesusOK. If you write "if Jesus was alive" you have no right to continue. The only reason Jesus is known today is because of the belief, held by his Church, that he is in fact alive. His importance rests on that claim, not on his teaching which, for the most part, is not that radical. We all, after all, know what good looks like. Apart from ISIS, obviously. And Kim Jung-Il. And the management of One Direction.
— Christine Nicole (@MissChristyBean) November 18, 2014
Don't go trying to own Jesus by telling us what he'd be like if he "was alive". You're just using our God and hero to back up your - frankly, rather pants - sentimentality. Use John Lennon, or Davy Crockett, or Lady Di, or Errol Flynn, or somebody. They are not alive (I've not included Elvis, you will notice) - or, if they are, they owe it all to the above-mentioned Jesus - and their reputations do not rest on the claim that they are in fact alive. Whereas if the Church didn't believe Jesus was alive, you'd never have heard of him. Do not co-opt our religion into your sad little world. Stop picking random good guys and attaching them to your own self-aggrandizement.
But - above all else- realise the great crime you've committed.
It should be "If Jesus were alive". Do you fools have no idea how the subjunctive / conditional construction works?
Ironically, there's only one person who ever got it right....
If Jesus were alive today he'd definitely trying to avoid healing the sick and penny pinch on insurance.
— Russell Brand (@rustyrockets) July 3, 2014
This doesn't make me happy. And he doesn't look a thing like Jesus.
My personal fave: "If Jesus was alive, he'd be turning in his grave" Truly overheard, misused indicative verb and all.
ReplyDeleteBut is that a deliberate Killers reference in your last line, 'cos I don't think Russell looks anything like a gentleman
You know how I chose the word "thing", not "lot" or "bit"?
DeleteAs bad as those who use "may" when they mean "might" - if Jesus was here he may have cured Ebola - that sort of thing.
ReplyDeletebut he missed out "be" between definitely and trying
ReplyDeleteHe does, however, look rather like Che Guevara. The murdering communist
ReplyDelete