English Church by Numbers

5	Average number of references to previous ministers in a church meeting.
6 years	How out of date the  "latest news" is on the average church website.
2	Average number of tweets after which a new social media ministry runs into the sand. Number 1 is always "Trying to work out how this Twitter thing works".
55	Average age of the children of choir members
65	Average age of people who think "Shine Jesus Shine" is a modern hymn
7	Number of people in the average town who know what the Rend Collective is
4	Number of people on General Synod who have a day job that can't broadly be described as "Church stuff".
761	Number of hours from Tulsa, if a church committee meeting had to debate whether it was a bad idea to go there, whether somebody had been there before and it hadn't been very nice, or whether there were other medium-sized cities in Oklahoma that should be considered by the "where we should go to in Oklahoma sub-committee" before definitely committing to going to Tulsa.
23	Number of attendees at the monthly "Benefice Together Service", when there are 5 churches in the benefice, each with an average attendance of 23.
3	Average number of points in a 3-point sermon, if the preacher hasn't been infected with the virus of post-modernism.
45%	Decrease in regular congregation when there's a baptism in the main service.
1.8	Average number of  persons that members of the congregation actually believe are in the Trinity.
5th	The Sunday in a month that transcends the laws of time and space, melts rotas, leaves people in the wrong place doing the wrong job, and can cause the church to fall into a black hole and enter another universe.
4	Average weekly attendance of a medium-sized church, if the Treasurer filled in the annual return.
29%	Proportion of church members who are to all intents and purposes Arminian
35%	Proportion of church ministers who are to all intents and purposes Arminian
25	Number of times you have to play "Just as I am" as an altar call, before somebody takes one for the team and goes forward for prayer.
5	Average charisma of an atheist on Reddit, if Joe Wilkinson off of "8 out of 10 Cats" scores 12.
95	Occupants of the graveyard that are alleged to be turning in their graves, if the church reordering goes ahead.
15	Most tea lights you can light on a tea light stand without the danger of a chorister having a toupee go up in smoke becoming serious.
3	Final number of nonconformist churches in a town, if the two nonconformist churches decide it's a good idea to unite.
15 years	Time the average church member spends in committee meetings in a lifetime.
5	Average number of Property Committee meetings it would take to decide that renting the church hall out to a group of hamster-worshippers was not a good idea.
15	Members of a Methodist choir above which the vibrato can go critical and start causing quantum effects.
712%	Amount bigger the congregation would be, if all the people who claim to be speaking for "other people" were telling the truth.
17	Number of ghosts that still have a say on the running of a typical church.
3.141592654	Number of points in a three-point sermon in a Catholic Church, if the Bishop is a member of the "Magic Circle". But it's all Pi in the sky.
1.5	Number of people who know the new song that the band really wants to play. Including the people in the band.*
4	Average number of people who turn up an hour late when the clocks go forward.
52	Weeks of the year when a visitor will be told "there's a lot of people away this week...."
1/177	Ratio of people who know who a Christian celebrity is, to the number of people who know who a proper celebrity is.
2	Different opinions in a church committee meeting when 12 people are there.
31	Different opinions on the same subject, in the church car park afterwards.
3	Number of people that everybody claims do all the work.
45	Number of people who claim to be one of the three who do all the work.

*thanks to Raquelita for this one.