Thursday, 18 June 2015

10 (Other) Christian Insults

Thanks to The Church Sofa for their "10 Christian Insults".

But I reckon, 10's not enough. If you really want to say someone's not fit to assist you on with your slingbacks, you want to consider:

  1. "I'll pray for you."
  2. "I know what you mean. I used to think that. But then I found the Truth".
  3. "Have you been hanging around with Methodists again?"
  4. "Mmmmmmmm......" 
  5. "You sound just like me before I repented."
  6. "I'll just call the pastor. He can explain it more simply than I can."
  7. "Did you, at any point in the past, dabble in Tarot or the World Wrestling Federation?"
  8. "Of course, Jeremiah had his doubts, as well."
  9. "You probably need to spend some time with the Lord over this. On your knees. Or your face."
  10. "I don't want to judge. So I'm going to assume it's your venality, viciousness and bodily desires speaking, not the real you."


  1. perhaps some others?

    1. I suspect that we need an 11th Commandment to cover what you just did.

    2. Jesus didn't pass wind on the cross, so please desist in our company.

    3. Sodom isn't a swear word - it's a history lesson.

    4. Has anyone told you that wearing a veil would really help your Acne.

    5. Yes Rector, I'm more than capable of reading the lesson, but it would help if you gave me the right one in the first place.

    6. Those robes are very fetching - probably from the second hand shop.

    7. Your licensed to the Cure of Souls - who is licensed to cure yours?

  2. Judging by the late Christopher Hitchens's enraged reaction to the news that Blessed Mother Teresa had forgiven him for his disgraceful personal attacks on her (personally I doubt that - I don't believe she'd ever even heard of him), I think possibly the three little words "I forgive you" might be the most effective.

    Boy, was he mad. "I never gave her permission to forgive me!!" he trumpeted. I just love that.

    Alternatively, the even later John Braine suggested in one of his novels that the most effective putdown was, said reassuringly, "Jesus loves you - even as I do," which might give pause for thought.


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