A strange morning here at Bogwulf Funambulist Baptist Chapel.
I had heard terrible stories of the people whom the soi-disant Archdruid, in her feminised pagan way, had caused to hold hands in a circle in worship and sometimes even caused to sing "Bind us Together".
This sort of thing must cause terrible damage to manly men - especially those manly men who are not quite manly enough to refuse, and nowhere near manly enough simply to put with it while adopting a stiff upper lip.
Therefore I advertised a morning workshop for any who would like to discuss this experience, how terrible it is, and how they felt manipulated into a touchy-feely, emasculated form of worship like this. Then I planned to pray for deliverance from this abomination for all the men concerned.
Oddly, of the nine people who turned up at the session, seven were women. In the circumstances, I took the two men away to the study in the manse, and left Marjory to lead the women.
It turned out that both the men had quite enjoyed the experience. Although both felt a bit guilty at the way they had ensured they held hands with the most attractive women in the group. I assured them this probably wasn't a sin, but prayed that they had not committed adultery in their hearts.
Marjory has just popped in to tell me that the women in the group are currently throwing stones at a cardboard cut-out of the Archdruid, but she reckons they will have got over the whole nasty affair by lunchtime.
I think that you are trying to cause schism in the Arch Druid's gang, separating the men from the women is a poor excuse. If they want to hold hands, let them and don't condemn, JC told you that if you know your new testament (or you will be judged in the final days) and your hopes of being one of the select few (given your flawed interpretation of the book of Revelation) have been shot to pieces by your attempts to cause schism, a mortal sin. And the Pope had been informed - expect to be excommunicated soon.
ReplyDelete