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Saturday, 26 January 2019

The Archdruid's address to Trainee Druids

I'd like to welcome you back to the Community for this, the start of Hilary term. Now a few of you have been asking why we call it "Hilary". And the answer is of course that it upsets Hnaef.  I daresay where he went to college they had "Blunt", "Burgess" and "Philby" terms.

And some others are asking why this is the first residential of the year, so late in January. It's been a process of trial and error. But we realised if we held it any earlier, it caused problems for those trainee Druids whose Druids-in-Charge insisted on taking the full three weeks off after Yule. They'd turn up mid-January, having eating nothing but turkey curry, cheese selection boards, and chocolate liqueurs for the last three weeks, and frankly they weren't much use for anything.

Now I'll like to talk particularly to those of you who, as well as your training responsibilities, have full time jobs or small children - or elderly relatives - or all three. Take Sorchia, for instance. She rocked up for last night's Cider Reception still with milk sick down her shoulder, having dropped little Anenome  off with grandad for the weekend, after a full week's terror in the No-deal Brexit Planning team of a major importer. She missed this morning's Pouring-Out of Beakers through sheer exhaustion. Whereas Frangelika came here  after flying in from three weeks in post-Christmas "retreat", having done all   this term's reading in a beach in Goa.

 And it must be nice for Gardwulf. I know he's been  telling you all about how he's doing all the optional modules, including the ones on Dialects in Ancient Aramaic.  And don't get me wrong, it's brilliant.  And I'm so pleased he's got the time, having retired early from a formerly-nationalised industry with his pension paid up. It's great that he has  this chance. And he's a lovely bloke. We should all  take the opportunities we're given.

Next Beltane, we will solemnly sprinkle the holy water of the Husborne brook on the heads of our newly-fledged Druids. And it won't  matter if those with all  the spare time  got the best grades. And it won't matter if Sorchia still  has a bit of Play Doh she missed still stuck in her hair, as we hit each of  our trainee Druids over  the head with  the Blessed Mistletoe Stick.  They will all be as much Druids as each other.

Can someone please wake Sorchia up? She's drooling on Frangelika's shoulder.

Actually, no. Let  her be. I'm sure Frangelika will find it " formational".



Want to support this blog?
Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

2 comments :

  1. Sound more like a Clergy or Reader training residential, which live in my memory still. Mind you, when the Bishop turned up as a surprise, and the Residential Staff panicked and got us out of bed at 10.30 to ensure that our night before celebrations in the temporary bar could be cleared up. 25 black bags of empties were hastily parked in the minibus, along with the one student, who while awake was in zombie mode.

    The formative value of this incident was huge, we appreciated the hospitality of the residential staff, and admired their constitution for pink gin and malt whiskey, while most of us (me at least) wimped out on orange juice all evening. Mind you I was complimented on my sun tan by the Bishop, he asked me had I been abroad. I told him, no, this was my usual skin colour.

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