Thursday 2 January 2020

Things to Say to Get People on Your Side

New year, new you. And as church leaders are easing back into their jobs after 3 days off since the Sunday After, the first church committee meetings of the year loom on the horizon.

And you may be thinking this is the year that people accept you're the one that's right about everything. But you may also be aware that nobody agrees with you. And whether you're the pastor, or the wannabe power behind the throne, that's not good news when you're definitely right about starting or stopping whatever it is. So here's the Beaker list of things to put in front of your opinions to make it clear to meanest intelligence or heretic that you're definitely right.

And, to help out during meetings - there's a handy bingo card as well.

 "A lot of people are saying..."

 "When I wrote to the archdeacon about this, she didn't disagree with me... "

 "I feel God is saying - and I'm sure we wouldn't want to ignore God..."

 "I ran a poll among the congregation. Though they'd like their names kept anonymous. And will lie if you ask them because they don't like to go against the vicar."

 "Revd Howlett - so lovely and wise, and there were 300 in the choir alone in his day - thought..."

 "We could do that but a lot of people would leave."

 "The mood in the village..."

"At my last parish we always..."

 "I met someone last week who said they'd definitely come if we..."

 "This service/carpet/tea shop has been part of the fabric of the church since 1892... "

"If we're going to vote on this I think we should ask the whole congregation."

 "It worked for Holy Trinity Brompton."

 "We've never done it before. And when we did it didn't work."

 "All the people on Twitter said... "

 "My aunt Thelma would be most upset at this. No, she's buried out by the south wall..."

 "In this book about a massively successful church what they did was..."

 " wouldn't know them; they go to a different church."

 "I'm the bloody vicar, so obey, minions." (not always recommended)

"At Spring Harvest..."

Write an anonymous letter. That always works.

Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.


  1. Thank you for the most excellent bingo card, very useful , may stop my brain leaking out of my ears

  2. It is interesting to read so many comments that I never heard on PCC, although the most awkward one I heard in a previous parish was "When Rev ..... was here in 1960, we did that and it worked..... but people didn't like all the newbies who came in and disrupted worship and our BCP Evensong by singing too loudly" so we cancelled it.


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