The First Ed-Ballsians Would Have Recognised This Ed Balls Day

It has been a strange Ed Balls Day. Perhaps the strangest I can remember.

People are asking, how can we wish other people a happy Ed Balls Day in these circumstances? It all seems so strange. In the immortal words of Boney M, "How can we tweet of Ed Balls, in a strange land?" Gathering via Zoom to bring Ed Balls wishes to each other. Pre-recorded videos on YouTube of people saying "Ed Balls". We are unable to gather for Ed Balls Parties. Ed Balls Barbecues are suspended until the autumn. It was not possible, at 4.20 pm precisely, for men who follow Ed Balls to put on football shorts far too tight for them and indulge in reckless tackles.  So to speak. The traditional Ed Balls Day pub events, where Edballsians drink Ed Balls-coloured Guinness, will not happen this year.

But surely these people are forgetting the history of Ed Balls Day. When Ed Balls Day began, we did not have the Ed Balls rallies that we have today. Members of Ed Balls lodges did not march past Jeremy Corbyn's allotment, playing their Ed Balls anthems. Ed Balls lookalikes did not run through northern streets, throwing fivers around in the way that Ed Balls himself would have done had Ed Miliband not eaten that sandwich.

No, this Ed Balls Day is in many respects just like the first. In those far-off days, Edballians would have typed the words "Ed Balls", in longhand, into Twitter with satirical intent. Other Edballians - so far away in time are we now - would have had to copy the words "Ed Balls" from those first tweets, and append them to the sacred response, "RT @(insert name here Ed Balls)." Even the hashtag, #edballsday, was unknown to those early believers.  As they cowered undercover, those early Edballians were more like ourselves than we realise.

As we meet virtually to remember Ed Balls today, we are, if anything, far closer to the original Eballians than we have been for a very long time. A very happy Ed Balls Day to you.

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