Zoom Service of Dobbing-In During Lockdown

Archdruid: The snoopers be with you.

All: And also with you.

Hnaef: Yeah, I love you to.

Archdruid: Hnaef, will you focus?

Hnaef: Sorry, I was just saying goodbye to Daphne as she goes out...

All: Shame! Disgraceful! Should be shot.

Hnaef ...to her job in the care home...

All: An angel. Quick round of applause? Sorry we let her tyres down for being a reckless disease-spreader. 

Archdruid: Now we are going to join in what we have proved, over the last few weeks, this country does best.

All: Solidarity, Stiff Upper Lip, Keep Calm and Carry On?

Archdruid: Being judgemental about other people. So let us join in the Confession of Other People's Perceived Sins.

All: We went out for our legitimate exercise  / 40 mile round trip to pick up the paper / vigilante patrol / sit in a car on a country lane for no apparent reason yesterday and can't believe how selfish people are. People quite blatantly going to the shops. We had to queue for ages. And some of them weren't buying "Value" brands. Clearly not necessities. So we've phoned the police on them. There was a kid walking along the road and we swear they were going to meet up with all their mates for a Pokemon raid and then the ambulance had quite recklessly parked on the road, and the people in the park - can't believe they'd only been out for an hour, some of them could well have been there for four or five. And in the rain. They'll catch their death of cold if nothing else going out for that long and then the dustmen. Can you believe they're driving around emptying people's bins? Shocking that's going to spread it if nothing does and would you believe the recycling centres are closed? So how are we supposed to get rid of all the pots of paint we've been doing up the house with while there's nothing else to do? Anyway, we've taken some pictures of cyclists quite obviously cycling down the road like they're allowed to do it and we've sent them into the Express who are going to publish them so hopefully we'll have them lynched by the end of the week. But you've got to get out haven't you? Driving me mad staring at the same four walls all day.

Liturgy of Redemption

Archdruid: See you all to clap the NHS later?

All: Oh yeah. We'll all be out standing shoulder to shoulder to support our NHS friends. In fact, we've organised a barbecue for afterwards.

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