Saturday 30 May 2020

Litany for Watching a Facebook Service Upload on a Saturday Afternoon

Oh how many are my woes
All week long have I worked at this service and sermon
For it is given that for six days shall we labour
working out the best camera angles
wishing we had a proper camera, like unto All Saints Northampton
and not just this Chromebook
which maketh my face look like unto the pumpkin
and my voice to sound even like Kermit which is called the Frog
and splicing musical interludes
and contributions from members of the congregation
into a liturgical tour de force
a performance to make even Angela Tilby proud. 

And I have checked the copyright laws
even for the eighty-third time.
And on the seventh day shall I sit looking at a bar that saith "processing: 40%"
and all day long have I held out my hands 
at the computer screen
saying "How long, O Lord?
"How long shall I be trapped in this study
worrying that if I look not at the screen
the upload shall crash
under the strain of thousands of clergies
all over the world
all uploading their worship at the same time?"

And I think to myself - shall I trust instead unto Zoom?
And I think - probably not after the other week.
I'm not having that happen again.

And so shall I sit and weep
and pour out my tears upon the desk
and wait for the coming of the little red box
on the notification bell
that tells me that my work is complete
and I can enjoy my Sabbath rest
until the emails come in tomorrow
telling me it isn't working.
Surely this will be my life all the days of lockdown
and I shall abide in my study 
looking at the sunshine outside the window
until the summer is gone
and this video is not saved.

Better start again.


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3 comments :

  1. Thankful I am no longer responsible for having to do this kind of thing, but huge sympathies for those who are. What is it with Saturday evenings and technology?

    ReplyDelete

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