Thursday, 21 May 2020

New Beaker Hymn Book Out

When you're locked down, what helps to pass the time away more than tweaking a few words in some old hymns and repackaging them as a whole new concept?

And that's why we're really delighted to announce the launch of our new Beaker hymn book.

Its features include

  • More unnecessary modernisation resulting in terrible rhymes.
  • The complete removal of the word "rapture".
  • Some terrible new songs celebrating God as scientist, astronaut and celebrity chef. 
  • Removing any theology suggestive of penal substitution.
  • Some songs that don't really work about social justice that will probably be really popular with theological courses.
  • The beautiful Christmas carol for the liberal minded, "Snowflake for Jesus (I wanna be a)".
  • No martial images. So "Onward Christian Soldiers" is now "Onward Christian Plumbers". "Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory" now has God's truth "plodding on". And "Stand up for Jesus" now refers to "ye holders of the cross". 

The New Revised Complete Collected Updated Collated Modern Authorised Comprehensive Ancient & Prehistoric Sounds of  Living Pebbles (Anglicised) For a New Generation of Beaker Worship Part III.

Now only £32.17 from the Beaker Online Bazaar. Buy three and get a free pack of tea lights.

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  1. One unnecessary modernisation can be found in the English translation of the Stabat Mater. Having changed all the 'thees' and 'thous', 'you' now rhymes with 'me'. It annoys me every Lent!

  2. What have they done with “There are hundreds of sparrows”?


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