Tuesday, 7 December 2021

The 2020 Druids' Christmas Party That Definitely Didn't Happen

 A lot of Beaker Folk have been asking me why, at a time when we had locked them in their rooms and they had to get their food by leaning out the window while Burton Dasset threw cans of lemonade and croissants at them, there was a Druidic party last Christmas.

I would like to reassure all Beaker Folk of the following:

  1. None of the Archdruidical Executive was there.
  2. At the Druidic Party that didn't happen.
  3. Even if we were there, it was socially distanced.
  4. And we were wearing masks.
  5. Except during the snogging.
  6. Which of course didn't happen.
  7. Because we weren't there.
  8. And the mistletoe was just a decoration.
  9. For the party that didn't happen.
  10. Which we weren't at.
  11. And the tins of Camden IHL that filled up all the recycling bills the following day were just the ones I'd been saving up to claim the deposit for 25 years, until someone pointed out there wasn't a deposit so I thought that day was a good one to get rid of them.
  12. The cancellation of all the Zoom worship sessions the day following the party which didn't happen was because all the Camden IHL cans interfered with the WiFi, not because all the druids had hangovers.
  13. Which we didn't have, because we were very careful how much we drank.
  14. At the party which didn't happen.
  15. Even though it could have as we had all worked closely together since March. 

I hope this makes it clear.


  1. I hope that your Cabinet Secretary will be asked to carry out a semi-independent investigation to clarify that the party that did not happen, even given the information to the contrary and the publicity locally and scorn of the public, particularly from those who'd faithfully followed the rules, despite the loss of loved ones on that very day that the party that never happened, allegedly happened, so you can be given a clean bill of health and be allowed to carry on as Arch Druid with only a resignation of those who manned your press conference rehearsal in such a disbelieving manner. I take it that they were not invited to the party that never allegedly happened.

  2. Glad to see everyone drinking decent beer at this non-existent party!


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