Sunday 20 February 2022

Neil Oliver's Libertarian Road Trip

It's an odd thing. Once upon a time, Neil Oliver was famous for going round Britain on a boat like a watery, druidic Michael Portillo. Or maybe an unfunny Michael Palin. But now he's joined up with the ranks of  the never-quite-made it, to become a random shouty libertarian alongside Piers Corbyn, Right Said Fred, and Laurence "Sidekick to a Sidekick Who Never Got His Own Show" Fox.

We follow Neil as he embarks on his libertarian Road Trip.


Driving down the A43. Comes across the sign, "Kettering welcomes careful drivers."

Drives into a lamp-post.

NO: Don't you tell me what to do, Kettering!

On a barge going down the Nene at Northampton. Comes across a sign, "beware of weir".

Ends up clinging to a pallet, as boat is ripped to pieces.

NO: I demand my rights to float to Wellingborough on pieces of watery debris! I am the "Coast" Guy!

On the Grand Union Canal. Signs say "no fishing - overheard lines"

NO: I think I know best what to do with my own fishing rod.

Spends 3 weeks glowing in the dark

A visit to Woburn Abbey. Sign says "Lion Enclosure: do not get out of your vehicle."

NO: Did Magna Carter not give me the right to walk where I like? I defy your liberal cotton-wool mollycoddling.

Series ends 


"Brian Cox in the 25th Century"

BC: Hello! And welcome to Brian Cox in the 25th Century! Where, thanks to my eternal youth, I'm still pointing at the sky and saying things like "a million million million stars" while being really enthusiastic! And today I'm joined by Neil Oliver, who by the modern technology of PCR-Plus we've resurrected from just a hair out of his beard, which was preserved in the National Museum of Secular Relics next to Frankie Howerd's wig. Neil - it's good to see you again.

NO: Brian! Last thing I saw was a load of teeth... and now it's you. Where are we?

BC: We're on the edge of the Event Horizon of the black hole at the centre of our universe! And whatever we do, we mustn't go over that line over there...

NO: I suppose that's another thing the Government is trying to control us with. Well, we'll see about that... oooh... my legs are like spaghetti... 

1 comment :

  1. A bit like Star Trek, boldly going where nobody has gone before, not sure Brian Cox will still be around in 2025 looking eternally young? Perhaps a wizened old hag like Yoda, who is more likely to welcome Neil Oliver to the outer regions of the metaverse, and put him back together with Elastoplast, which will probably still be available in 2025, or alternatively with plaster of Parris which will definitely be available, but will have been renamed "Macron" in honour over a former president of France, who tried very hard to put together a coalition to bring the Russian Bear to their knee's only to see the Ukraine defeat a Putin (should spit writing that name) to invade by simply saying we won't join your NATO. Oh, for the good old days, when people declared war, rather than pussy foot around the edges with 100500 troops and armour, missiles, military aircraft and ships, when 150 spetznaz would have done the job without a lot of fuss, but plenty of bombs.

    ReplyDelete

Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl