The Downing Street Lockdown Get-Together Questionnaire

1. What is your name?

a. Alexander Boris de Pfeffel

b. Boris

c. Bozza

d. My lawyer has advised me not to answer this.

2. What event were you at, on the night in question?

a. A party

b. A business meeting, where we drank a couple of bottles of wine each, as normal in 10 Downing Street when working on major policies

c. A business meeting, where we drank 2 pints of champagne each, because that's what Winston Churchill would have done

d. Without Dom here, I have no intellectual faculties to answer this question. 

3. Is Downing Street a unique combination of home and workplace?

a. Yes, obviously

b. Apart from vicarages, of course

c. And people who work from home

d. How dare they work from home? They should be getting into central London and buying wine from Tesco Metro.

4. Which of these is the largest measure of wine?

a. A magnum

b. A Methuselah

c. A Belshazzar

d. A suitcase

5.  Did you maintain social distance at all times?

a. Yes

b. No

c. Sometimes

d. Does "tongues" count as social distancing?

6. Who do you blame for the party?

a. Remainers

b. Remainers

c. Remainers

d. Don't you mean "whom"? 

7. Is there anything you would like to add?

a. Phwarr! Union Jacks! Boost for Bolton! 

b. Carrie doesn't live here anymore

c. I'm the PM and Jacob knows where you live

d. What happened to Cressida?