From the Postbag

And it's been a right mixed bag this week, with the Synod talking about Women Priests, Fabio Capello retreating from the England job and a secret poll of Conservative ministers revealing that even David Cameron doesn't believe the Health Service reforms are a good idea.

Jam

"Fr Lester" writes from Hinckley to tell me that the "problem of women's ordination" is all down to the availability of ready-made jam and cake. "In my day, middle-class women would spend most of their time making jam and cakes. But now that such comestibles are readily available in Waitrose, they find they have time on their hands. Since much of the jam and cake was intended for use at church fetes and jumble sales, naturally they look for new outlets for their religious energies. And of course since Henry VIII closed the convents, nowadays that means the priesthood.
"In my opinion, Mr Kipling should have stuck to writing exceedingly good books. Mr Hartley would have been better off concentrating on fly fishing. And Mr Robinson would definitely have benefitted from watching what his wife was doing in the afternoons. After all that scandal in the 60s she joined an all-woman commune, and is now Episcopal Bishop of New Brogsville, Carolina."

Climate Change

So much for women bishops. Deidre Drayne writes in from Droitwich on the vexed subject of whether burning incense is causing global warming. She says "It stands to reason - before the 1830s Britain was in a mini-Ice Age. The Thames froze over and Frost Fairs were held on William Gladstone. Then the Oxford Movement started, CO2 levels started to rocket and now we are where we are today. I'd go outside to look in horror at the dustbowl to which the West Midlands has been reduced, only my door is currently frozen shut. "

But Fr Dudley from Wolverhampton writes, "Absolute piffle. Incense is, if anything, the antidote to global warming. If you ever find anything colder than the temperature in an Anglican country church let me know. Last week our pews were so cold they exhibited super-conductive behaviour. Played havoc with the pace-maker."

Sport

English sport has been much in the news this week, with only the Rugby Union side, whatever that is, doing well. Sydney Odde-Breeches writes in from Market Snodbury:

"Dear Eileen. I am not surprised that the English batting is once again collapsing. Hiring a coach who was Italian was clearly a terrible mistake. Ian Bell is hopelessly out of position on the left wing, while nobody has ever really solved the problem of how Lampard and Gerrard can play together in the middle order. Personally I would appoint Chris Huhne as England captain as he is currently out of a job, and JohnTerry being appointed Transport Secretary means we now have enough liberals in the Cabinet."

The Eurozone

And finally, as crowds of Greek protestors head for the Parliament and police tear-gas them, while families give up their children because they can't afford to feed them, I receive a letter from a spokesperson for the Greek Prime Minister. Stavros Thanatodemocritos writes:

"We found your comments that 'the Euro is a disaster. The Greeks should sell Crete to the Germans, switch back to the Drachma, devalue and refuse to pay their debts' to be extremist and anti-European. And in any case that is Phase 3 of our economic plan, and is supposed to be a secret.

"For now we have to stay in the Euro, sack Civil Servants, cut pensions, fire tear-gas at rioters and encourage families to give up their children - otherwise chaos could ensue. Apologies for the lack of a stamp on the envelope, and for this letter being written on a palimpsest of the original edition of Homer's Iliad. But we're a bit short this month."

Thanks for all your emails and letters. Burton Dasset has thoroughly enjoyed wading through them all to find the ones that were vaguely interesting - actually giving up several night's sleep for the task. It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it - and it's not going to be me.