Suspicions of a new "Nescafe" couple or - even worse - "BT" couple - were strengthened when this script was emailed by "a friend".
"Tickets from Sutton, please.... thank you, sir.
Is this lady with you? And does she have a ticket? Then could you ask her to stop gazing at me like that and find it?
Wigan, you say? You're right, it was lucky she crossed over to your platform. Maybe she confused it with Wimbledon?
Doesn't say much, does she? Are you sure she actually has a ticket - to Wigan or anywhere else? If not, she is liable to a penalty fare.
Look I don't care if it's the home of pies. Merely having beautiful eyes is not an acceptable alternative to possessing a ticket valid for travel. We'll have British Transport Police waiting for you at Victoria.
And put that ukulele in the luggage rack. Somebody might want to use that seat."
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