Wednesday 3 June 2020

The Ultraviolet Enema Kit

Bit weird. Yesterday we had a large orange man turn up outside the Moot House for a photo shoot. He told us he was looking to co-opt our faith to support his war on "people who think black people are also people".

Had to tell him that black people are also people, as much as orange people. Which disappointed him. On the bright side, I managed to sell him an Ultraviolet Enema Kit. It's a brilliant concept. It releases fluorescent nanoparticles into the bodily functions where the sun don't shine, disinfecting at the molecular level. If it don't cure your Covid 19, at least it takes your mind off it for a bit.

I must say, these kits are going like hot cakes. Sold one to some bloke the other week who was on his way to Durham to take Covid up there with him. He phoned me up to say it worked, but it made his eyes go funny. Well yes, it would. That's an overlarge siphon tube Young Keith included, in my opinion. But when he said he "passed Barnard Castle", apparently that was a route direction, not a side effect.

Anyway, the orange bloke went back to a place which apparently he needs to make great again, again. But due to time differences, he called me at 2am UK time to ask me what to do with it.

So naturally I  told him.

Ah, the old ones are the best. 


  1. Brilliant - thanks for the much needed laugh!

  2. When your Druiding days are over there's a job for you at the Apollo.


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