Archdruid: Keith! Will you stop faffing about with that kestrel?
Keith: Ey up, Kes!
Archdruid: I read a book once.
All: Green, it were.
A small car screeches up the drive, with a mattress strapped to the roof. A terrified old man is clinging to the mattress. As the driver slams the brakes on, the old man flies over a hedge, colliding with an old man and a peroxide blonde who are smooching behind it.
Archdruid: Ogden Butterclough, tha's a barmpot.
All: Tha's been tekkin' a sherry out o' wedlock. Ogden.
Ogden: Just because I've been indulging in some freelance underwriting with a certain Mrs Dugdale of 22, The Crescent...
Archdruid: Of course, Brian Glover started off as a wrestler.
Compo: Oo, I love a grapple. That Nora's a lass wi' nowt tekken out.
Nora: And you're definitely not taking me out.
All: Bless thee, Bottom! Bless thee! Thou art translated!
Gaffer: Tetley make tea bags, make tea.