And did those feet...

Lessons to be learnt from the startling (but scarely original) claim that Jesus came to England as a child:
He can't actually have gone to Glastonbury, or he'd have turned water into cider.  So he must have confined himself to the Home Counties, sending Uncle Joseph off west to build the abbey.  Likewise a trip to Glasgow can safely be ruled out, or he'd have turned water into Tennant's Super or Buckie Wine.  However given that he had a beard and talked about yeast a lot, we can't rule out that he may have been a member of the Campaign for Real Ale.
That he chose twelve disciples - although only eleven actually made it into action, so to speak - suggests that while Joseph was in Somerset, Jesus was at a school where they played Association Football rather than rugby.  So probably a local Comprehensive rather than Public School.

Of Jesus' recorded sermons, the Sermons on the Mount and Plain would have taken about 3 minutes each to preach, while the one in Nazareth is only one sentence.  So we can be fairly sure that he was brought up in the Church of England.  (On this basis we have to assume that the Feeding of the 5,000 took place at the end of a very long PCC meeting, or possibly a badly-planned Alpha Away Day).

Some of our devout local community members are claiming that, as Jesus didn't have a proper job and lived on hand-outs, he almost certainly spent some time in Luton.  On this we have no evidence. But what we can do is point out that in fact we were in this very territory long before the latest film and controversy.  After all, we are the people who brought you the Husborne Crawley Holly back in February...