Catholics and Aliens

As the English religious movement most likely to be able to communicate with extra-terrestrials (excluding certain House Churches in the West Midlands), we are pleased to pass on this offer from a local Catholic priest, who insisted that he would not have a cup of tea, no matter how much we suggested he should.

The Catholic Church is pleased to offer Aliens an Alien Ordinariate.  Aliens may henceforth join the Catholic Church under exactly the same terms as they had in the past, but under a new media campaign that is intended to embarrass His Grace Ming the Merciless.
Alien priests will be free to join the Holy Catholic Church.  However, ordination as real (not alien) priests will be at the discretion of the hierarchy.    Tentacles are not a pre-requisite of being a priest.
Alien confirmation, which is dependent upon the laying on of tentacles, will not be regarded as a real confirmation.  Aliens will have to receive the laying on of hands to become true Catholics.  From real bishops.  The ones with hands.  Not tentacles.
Aliens wishing to become priests will require psychological profiling to ensure they do not have unnatural desires for aliens.  Unfortunately, odds are they will have by definition.  Let's face it, they're aliens.
Married aliens may be accepted for ordination as priests.  But clearly they won't be real priests.  After all, they're aliens.
Female alien priests will be requested to remain in the Church of Aliens, where they belong.  They're not real priests, and they're probably not real females.  Whatever "female" means in Alien circles.
On the whole, if you're an alien and you want to be a Catholic priest - best to wait till you retire.  You'll not be a burden on our congregations then.  Mind you, if being an alien you're due to retire at the age of 7,000, we'll have a bit of a wait for you.  Maybe you could minister in the C of E in the meantime?  They might not notice you're anything unusual.