Quantum Strikers

First of all, can I wish you all the compliments of the seasons. Which, since I respect people of all faiths and none, could be Candlemas, Imbolc or Groundhog Day. Or, indeed, 2 February 2011CE.  Of Imbolc I tend to say little. We have investigated the origins of Imbolc in previous years, discovered it had something to do with the onset of lactation in ewes, and left it at that. We thought investigation would be better left to experts in the field. Candlemas and Groundhog day we find it easier to celebrate, either by lighting a load of tea lights or by letting the earless Beaker Bunny out for a run and seeing whether we can see her shadow.

But this afternoon, I am more concerned with the phenomenon of Quantum Entanglement, and more especially as it affects strikers. When I say "strikers" I should say that I am referring to what are often referred to as centre forwards in the game of Football. Or, for our American followers, "Football".

There was  an amount of self-righteous hoopla that surrounded the two linked transfers of Fernando Torres to Chelsea for £644 squillion, followed by the £132 squillion that led some bloke from Newcastle to go to Liverpool. But nobody noticed the dangers to the environs of the Kings Road and - possibly - the existence of the Universe.

For in Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba, Chelsea now possess two Quantum Strikers.

Consider Torres. He has two states. He is either happy because he has just scored a goal, or he is sulking. Let us call those states TG and TS . And Drogba is like unto him. He is either lying on the ground, or he is sulking. Let us call those states DL and DS.
This gives the composite Torres-Drogba Quantum State four possibilities. Three of them, I would argue, are relatively benign:
  TG-DL   (Torres has scored a goal and Drogba is lying on the ground)
  TG-DS   (Torres has scored a goal and Drogba is sulking)
  TS-DL   (Torres is sulking and Drogba is lying on the ground)

But it is the fourth state that worries me.
  TS-DS   (Torres is sulking and Drogba is sulking)

As far as I can tell, the fourth state implies a clash with Pauli's Exclusion Principle. If it ever happens that both are sulking at the same time, something dreadful will happen. It may be as little as both Drogba and Torres disappearing, and being replaced at the quantum level with Nicolas Anelka. Or the whole universe could disappear into a mini-black hole, as so memorably prophesied by the Aztecs or Incas or some other South American nation that no longer exists so no-one can check.

There is a theory that states that future versions of Torres and/or Drogba will intervene via a quantum anthropomorphic effect to prevent the fourth option ever happening. But I have yet to be convinced. We have all been warned.