Preaching by Numbers

Some kind of levity broke out yesterday mornin as I preached on the topic of Balaam and his talking ass. I realise that it is a tricky and unusual passage. But nevertheless, I expected rapt attention as I unfolded the important question of why God spoke through a donkey, and how even a magic-working unbeliever could be compelled to hear the word of the Lord. But I ended up preaching through a barrage of sniggers. I passed this information on to Eileen when I saw her later to discuss the rental for the use of the Shuttle, but she went off giggling.

I was more thin-skinned than normal yesterday, perhaps. Indeed, I felt as much use as a £50million Spaniard in West London. For I received a text from Marjorie while she was still somewhere in the borderlands between Bedfordshire and Northamptonshire, on her way towards Husborne Crawley with a Shuttle-load of converts. The text read "We've just found a Baptist church. We're going to check it out for heresy. We'll see you later."

Marjorie eventually arrived at 3pm, and I had to drive them all home again as Marjorie declared herself to be rather tired after a prolonged harangue at the preacher. The others declared that they had had a fantastic day, heard the Gospel preached superbly - by Marjorie, and wondered whether they could have a travelling service every week.

I did offer to run them home after the evening service - explaining that I was going to preach on "Some lesser-known aspects of household discipline during the Babylonian Exile". But they said if I wasn't going to do the joke about Balaam's ass again, they'd rather go back straight away.

Still, they have given me much to consider. I wonder where I could find a 40-seater coach with a fitted pulpit?