Eileen: GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE!
All: Good morning, Eileen.
[Eileen may feign deafness or, as it may be, disappointment]
Eileen: Let's try that again, but this time as if you'r all as devout as I am. I said "GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE!"
All: GOOD MORNING, EILEEN!
[Eileen may feign being surprised by an unexpected gust of wind.]
Eileen: Now we've an awful lot to get through. So I'd like you all to shake hands with just one person - someone who's shorter than you.
[More logical / socially aware people may reel at the incoherence of this instruction. Most will just randomly shake hands with someone, out of fear, confusion and embarrassment.]
Eileen: We've got lots of games and children's talks and action songs for today's celebration. Now we don't have any actual children here today for me to patronise, so can I have two volunteers - one man and one wo-....
[Eileen is flattened in the stampede for the door]
Eileen: ....... and also with you.
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