We've put our best brains onto it. And let's face it, even Burton Dasset's brain is about as good as Dominic Cummings'. And here's tomorrow's news, as we're sure will happen.
- Boris Johnson's wedding date announced.
- Mark Francois to be the new James Bond.
- Priti Patel announces a crackdown on immigration.
- Tap-dancing horse closes down West End.
- Jacob Rees-Mogg seen in Fortnums wearing a tweed facemask.
- First UK Freeport declared to be The Brunel Centre, Bletchley.
- War declared on the Faroes.
- Boris Johnson "accidentally" seen nude on Zoom.
- Chris Grayling walking to work with one brown and one black shoe on.*
- Dominic Cummings "accidentally" drives over Humphrey the No 10 Cat.
- British to land a piloted space ship on Jupiter.
- Graham Brady officially declared Britain's Most Useless Man. For the fourth year running.
- Hedgehogs blamed for Covid, and a cull announced.
- Dominic Raab announces that he has attained enlightenment, and is now a Visionary of the Temple of Dionysus.
- The Sun claims that an army of badgers are tunnelling under Buckingham Palace.
- Rancid cheese runs amok in the village of Stilton.
Or maybe the Russia Report just won't be as interesting as people expect?
*same as every day, but you know...
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A very good list - you will be giving them ideas ;-)
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, the asterisk could have applied to No 3, too!
Humphrey? Would even Dom Cummings go to the trouble of digging up a 14-years-deceased cat in order to accidentally run it over?
ReplyDeleteRemember what happened to Cromwell.
DeleteCromwell's head is now buried under the floor of the chapel of Sidney Sussex College. I have heard there was a fellow of that college who would creep into the chapel at night and jump up and down on the flagstone under which he believed the head was buried.
ReplyDelete