Friday, 3 July 2020

Covid Secure Liturgical Implements

It's a real problem. In a religion that is above all earthy - believing that matter and bodies are good - and that the Divine is encountered in bread, wine, water and each other - how do we provide the right implements to assist social distancing?

I mean, I've now introduced "1m++". That's because I don't want anyone within a mile of me. But what about everyone else? Here's some handy ideas:

For communion, liturgical spoons. 8 foot long ones. With a set of hygienic spoons, one for each communicant, you can give the bread out without ever getting within a fathom of them.

Or the Distribution Drone. Load your consecrated bread into this cunning device, and it will drop the hosts six inches gently into your hands.

For ordination - those big foam hands you get for football matches will enable you to lay on hands without getting within infectious distance. And those long spongy pointy fingers are ideal for anointing.

For laying on hands for healing, we recommend not.

Exchanging the Peace will now be achieved by tapping the ends of long sticks or sanitised hankies together in the manner of a very sedate Morris Dance.

"And also with you"

Liturgical dancing could be permitted provided the dancers are fully kitted out in HazMat suits.

Dance then wherever you may be...

And of course the offering. Coins are some of the most unhygienic items in existence. Keep it contactless. Round large numbers only please. We have to pay the transaction charge.

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  1. In the real world (well, Wales) Matt has spent a huge amount of time working on this. No ordination, no stipend for the candidates in the principality. Gloves, hovering hands, all been considered.

    1. In Gloucester, all new curates have been licensed as lay ministers so stipends and housing can be sorted out...

  2. One barge-pole each, first door on the left :)

  3. Or you could become a Methodist and have your own glass.


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