Saturday 17 March 2012

I Predict the New Archbishop

Dearest God-Lover, inasmuch as everyone else has shoved their oar in on the subject of the next Archbishop of Canterbury, and the betting is in full swing, I felt it was my turn to make a prediction.

Young Keith has fed the @twurchofengland Twitter stream through our Quantum Prognosticator, set the Uncertainty level at 3.5 Archers, added a dose of chilli to reflect the fact that only the other day David Cameron met a man who was Archbishop of Canterbury, hit the Big Red Button, apologised to the people in Ridgmont whose shed he'd just taken out, hit the Big Green Button instead, and come out with the following prediction. Although it may be a job spec rather than a prediction, on closer inspection.

The next Archbishop of Canterbury will be:

Too theologically liberal

Too hidebound by tradition

Not a strong enough leader


Too accepting of homosexuality


Too weak on Biblical morality

Too old-fashioned for today's world

Too academic

Too populist

A source of division

An appeaser

Unconcerned about injustice

Meddling in politics when he should be worrying about people's souls

A cause of house prices falling (c) The Daily Mail

Too chummy with the Government

Too chummy with Labour

Too chummy with the Vatican

Too chummy with the Free Churches

Stuck in an ivory tower

Too concerned about the poor.

A man.

A follower of Jesus.


  1. I would put money on your prediction being spot on!

    I wouldn't put money on any particular name,

  2. This is just so true it really is genius.

    Thank you, and for the link by the way ;-)

  3. Considering myriad variables seems amazingly accurate! Has the Archdruid considered a profitable relationship with Ladbrokes?

  4. Sorry, but I'm not ordained.

    1. No problem, I seem to remember there is a precedent. I think it was Rahere who was ordained and consecrated Archbishop of Canterbury on same day.

  5. The one thing the next ABC won't be is...
    a woman.

  6. Clearly time for "Paul" the psychic octopus... (from the grave) ;)


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