The Beaker Covenant

It's always a hard job keeping the Beaker community together. Consider that we have people who think a giant divine gibbon consumes the moon every month, others who think that there is a giant gibbon but s/he lives in a marsh, others that worship St Kirsty as a moon goddess and others who just like lighting tea lights.
And although we have Articles of Beaker Faith, most people consider them to be vague guidelines rather than anything binding. Indeed, when becoming a member of the Beaker Folk, one has simply to confirm that one believes that the Articles exist.

And generally I like it that way. It goes with my general view that people should be pretty much allowed to do what they want, within the bounds of not actually setting fire to each other or stealing each other's car tyres, and you can't force them to be good although you can talk about what it means. It also has the advantage that,  when you don't know what you're talking about, you know you can keep quiet. Stephen Fry could have avoided commenting on subject matter he doesn't understand in much the same way, I suspect. If he's not been misquoted...

And we generally find a modus operandi. For instance - the Moon Gibbon folk don't agree with female druids. And I don't think that there's a gibbon in the moon. So we agree to differ. And when I say "agree to differ" I mean "pretend the others don't exist".

But someone always wants more. Some, to misquote the Master, don't want rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty. They want the doubts knocked out and cast-iron certainty, thinking it reduces stress - even through it also eliminates interest. And so they want a Beaker Covenant.

But I've heard of this type of thing elsewhere, and I'm being a bit cagey. So I've proposed the following as a common set of beliefs we can all agree on:

a) Whether the Moon Gibbon exists or not is a matter of debate. In the same way as whether or not the world is flat and whether King Arthur sleeps under Glastonbury Tor is also a matter of debate.

b) Hi viz and tea lights cheer you up on a dull winter evening.

c) The Archdruid is lethal with a cricket bat.

d) In case of disagreement with the Archdruid or this Covenant, refer to (c) above.

e) Stones are for contemplating, not throwing

f) Likewise hazelnuts.

I've high hopes of success with the Beaker Covenant. In fact I'm just off to discuss it with the Marsh Gibbon Folk now. But I'm in a conciliatory mood. So I'll just be taking the 5 iron.  And hoping they don't throw stones at me.