Take a prayer book and a hymn book into the Worship Space? Not me. I just want to "Pray-and-Go".
I'm happy to announce a new kind of worship experience, specially designed for those who are money-rich but time poor.
We've now had several thousand years, in different faiths, of the "pray-while-you-wait" model. But sometimes you just need to join in collective religious activity while you're somewhere else. And that's why we're offering our new option. Just check in to the pray-bay at our drive-in prayer hatch, make the simple, reasonable payment via Pray-Pal and it's just as if you were going to be with us all morning. Don't worry - we'll pray one for you!
And I know you can feel that somehow you're not part of the spiritual experience if you're not actually there. So why not upload the new Pray-and-Go application onto your Praystation 3? By the use of some cunning technology ideas we stole from 2nd life, your Prayvatar can interact with other worshippers in our Praypen -while you're busy designing a website, studying Sociology, building a new chimney or teaching an archery lesson to people with no thumbs. And for those self-centred believers who'll change congregation because "I don't get anything out of it", we can reveal our new Nintendo plugin, the Mii-Mii-Mii.
It's the perfect solution to that problem of guilt that you're not making it to church often enough - and it gives us the chance to boost our attendance artificially to pretend we're more important than we are*. And what's even better, while you're checking in to our pray-bay, we can sell you a real Fair Trade Coffee and an Unfair Trade bacon bagel.
* Warning to Church of England congregations - may accidentally increase your Parish Share.
Sounds more like 'sort of pray and definitely bugger off' to me.
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