Blog Search Terms

From time to time, Eileen asks me to go through Google Analytics to see the search terms by which people (unsuspecting) have discovered the Beaker Blog. Then we have a good laugh as we try to imagine what they were looking for. But she's terribly conscientious, and hates the thought that there are people out in the Blogosphere worried that they've asked questions that we haven't answered. So she's asked me to go through the search terms, and sort out some answers for them.

If you were the person that entered these terms and found these answers, then I hope I've now enlightened you.

Blogsearchterm	Our answer
beaker folk gnomes	Why do people keep searching for this? 200 times this year. What are you after? Because we don't have it.
apple alarm	Oddly, this search term only occurs at 3am on weekends. We've no idea why.
small garden ornaments	We recommend a nice gnome.
coronation street gay	Yes. Notoriously.
dangerous cyclists	Yes. Notoriously.
gurdur boring site:http://cyber-coenobites.blogspot.com/	Not sure who should be more offended, us or Gurdur.
i wish we'd all been ready	Bet you're glad you weren't, now.
still got the blues	I'm not surprised. You're typing Blues lyrics into Google. How could you ever be happy? Get out and meet people.
a queer thing happened to america	Yes. Independence. But maybe one day they'll see sense.
astrology is wrong	It doesn't work, either. It's very bad science.
cosmic anteater	We're scared already. Don't make matters worse.
i’m no longer an independent baptist fundamentalist but i still love my king james bible	It's lovely. But why not get one in English?
"nice things happen to nice people" plato	I'm pretty sure that wasn't Plato.
according to the bible where is the land of nod	Up the wooden hill, turn left when you reach Bedfordshire.
are there any reports of hauntings in stopsley bedfordshire	No. Or possibly yes.
beaker culture matriarchal	Archdruid Eileen says not. And we daren't argue.
berkshire smells of smoke	Yes, I believe it did.
does the king james bible say no alchohol of any kind	No, of course it doen't.
doeswkdbluealcopopsaffectfertility	No, only literacy.
has anyone actually done schrodingers cat	Let's hope not.
how do we wish michael palin a happy birthday?	"Happy Birthday, Michael."
how would i preach at my own funeral	Slowly.
is professor brian cox a christian	No. But he's still a nice guy.
is rapture good or bad?	Probably both. Depends on whether you've been left behind.
is there a sequel to parable of the talents	Yes. The parable where the bloke with only one talent gets voted off.
lord of the dance not theologically correct	You said it.
ordinariate pay conditions	Let's just say - don't set your heart on the company car.
short summary of the three strangers by thomas hardy	One of them's the hangman. One of them is his intended victim. There, I've spoilt it.
spring beaker gay mens	There's no answer to that.
stavrakopoulou bikini	Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
the benefits of a waxing gibons moon and gender	Look, you really need help.
was joan of arc an sinner	Yes. We all are. Except for one rumoured exception.